


The Secret Is That The Heart Is More Important

by Dagran



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Alcohol, BC I SAY SO, Background Relationships, Ben & Five are Stupid Kids, Ben Hargreeves Gets to Live, Ben Hargreeves' Tentacles | Bentacles, Developing Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, Everybody Lives, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Lore From the Comics, Luther Hargreeves Has a Human Body, M/M, Mommy allison, Mother Handler, Number Five | The Boy Gets to Say Fuck, Number Five | The Boy Has Feelings, Number Five | The Boy Has Murderous Urges, Number Five | The Boy and Luther Hargreeves are Twins, Number Five | The Boy-centric, Post S2, The Mothers of The Seven, Time Travel Fix-It, Twins, Underage Drinking, basically i am just doing what i want w the timeline here, because I say so, eventually, no not like that, sorta - Freeform, sparrow academy who?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:15:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 42,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27139240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dagran/pseuds/Dagran
Summary: Five and Ben are stupid kids and then things get complicated.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy & Allison Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Ben Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Luther Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Vanya Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy / Ben Hargreeves, The Twins & The Handler
Comments: 9
Kudos: 69





	The Secret Is That The Heart Is More Important

**Author's Note:**

> i have feelings about them now YOU have to have feelings about them  
> death is a very poor excuse to rule ben out for relationships  
> five gets to age but it's a process  
> i leave it to your fabulous imagination what the other sibbies are up to 80% of the time in this fic  
> no i will not split this fic into parts, you get all 65 pages at once, it's take it or leave it, baby

PAST – Somewhere between 1999 and 2000 after one of the first missions

The overwhelming stench of copper and slowly rotting bits of flesh hung in the air, making him feel like his mouth had been filled with a bag full of pennies. Instinctively Five moved his tongue and jaw to get rid of the taste, well aware that it was in vain. Glad that the bathroom door was there to hide the expression on his face when he scrunched it up in mild disgust. It stood less than a hand’s width ajar, just enough for him to glance through at the clean, white tiles.

All Five could see of Ben were his hunched shoulders as he cowered in the bathtub. The fabric of his uniform looked uncharacteristically dark, which Five knew, was from the blood which had soaked through it.

He’d been unresponsive ever since they had finished their mission. So much that their mother had insisted he bathe last and was given as much time as he needed. Perhaps if their father had left his office he would have noticed that it had been over an hour and Ben hadn’t so much as taken off his jacket.

With his fingers curled around the doorframe Five inched closer until his shoulder rested against the door.

Ben hadn’t noticed him.

Concern wasn’t what his siblings were expecting of him, but this wasn’t concern, Five told himself. The two of them didn’t do concern. But that stench; it raised his hackles in some primal instinct telling every fibre of his being that something was very, _very_ wrong.

Five took another quiet step forward. Forcing himself to look at the state of his brother. Soaked in blood and gore from head to toe, numbly staring at the ceramic tub he was sitting in.

He’d only seen the aftermath of Ben’s attack and not even the whole part. He’d only seen the smear of blood leading out of the room Ben had stepped out of. Perhaps if they had stayed a little longer he would have found the courage to look inside. But their father had called them away and Five had been forced to follow.

Factually speaking Five couldn’t find anything scary about dead people. They were probably the least scary of all people on his list, but the hollow pit in his stomach spoke a haunting warning that Ben’s dead people were different. Just like dead people were different for Klaus.

Five had made it to the edge of the bathtub and leaned over it until he found his brother’s eyes.

Ben didn’t even register him.

Frowning slightly Five climbed into the bathtub to further study Ben up close, and was quickly distracted by his blood crusted hair and the bits of flesh that stuck onto his clothes. Morbid curiosity made him want to pick them off of him, but instead Five clenched his fists around the hem of his shorts to make sure he wouldn’t.

He wondered if the blood was still wet and how it felt, whether Ben’s clothes were heavy like after a rain shower. But the questions got caught on his tongue where they became tangled and unable to leave his throat.

Without realising it Five had reached out a careful finger. When its tip touched Ben’s cheek his brother’s eyes darted up and met his own. The only reason that he wasn’t wearing his mask, Five realised, was because it must have fallen off somewhere along the way.

Mesmerised by the dry blood underneath his finger Five couldn’t speak, instead he gingerly pressed it into Ben’s cheek.

Failing to process the situation a shocked giggle erupted from Ben’s throat. When Five pressed his finger again into his cheek, Ben continued to laugh even though he tried his best to suppress it.

“So, you didn’t turn into stone after all,” Five observed matter-of-factly, but quite pleased, and noticed the relieved hitch in Ben’s laughter that followed. Unconcerned about the state of his own clothes Five grabbed a washcloth from the edge of the tub and ran it under the water until it was warm and soaked. The moment it touched Ben’s face his giggles turned into sobs, first audible but soon quiet.

As he washed the blood from his face the water around them turned a light red. The colour caught Five’s eye as he watched it wash around their legs. “Give me your hands,” he muttered when he was done with Ben’s face and watched the stream of blood turn darker beneath them. Tears weren’t something Five was good at, blood however, he learnt, was easy.

Methodically Five scrubbed, so focused on the process that he almost didn’t hear it when Ben spoke.

“You- your clothes–,” Ben hiccuped breathy in between sobs.

“Will dry,” Five sighed and glanced up to look at Ben, to whom it appeared to be a great concern however.

Rolling his eyes Five dropped his hand and the washcloth to rid himself of his shoes and socks. Both of which he chucked right across the bathroom with no concern for where they landed. “Better?” He inquired, determined not to let himself be deterred Ben’s illogical concerns right now.

Numbly Ben nodded and stared at Five’s bare feet. A little smile began showing on his face. “Thanks,” he mumbled so quietly it was almost inaudible.

Five paused ever so briefly. It was a simple single word, yet it couldn’t be with the way it made his stomach flutter and dried his throat. Unable to speak Five only pressed his lips together and focused on cleaning the blood out from under Ben’s nails.

PRESENT – Right after returning from Dallas to a fixed timeline

It was thanks to the suitcase that all of them had ended up right where they had planned to, still Five was somewhat proud of himself for having managed to not only get all his siblings back in one piece but also all of them in the same time and place. Which was otherwise next to impossible as he’d learnt in Dallas.

Once the relief of being home had settled in and hugs and greetings had been dealt out to Pogo and Grace they had all instinctively wanted to disperse into their respective hideouts around the house, but Klaus and Vanya had insisted they stay for just another short while. There was something important they had to say. Or something like that.

The past two weeks had left him weary and in no mood for further interruptions, but something about the look on Vanya’s face told him that something serious was on their mind.

Five pressed his lips together, watching while it dawned on Diego and Allison what the odd pair wanted to tell them, and briefly wondered what he’d missed. But certain that he would know sooner than he would be comfortable with.

A little frown formed on his forehead and it took all his energy to decrease it. “What is it?” Five asked, shifting the use of his energy from “trying not to frown” to “focusing on the situation” and “not taking his weariness out on his siblings” because they all were tired and wanted to lie down. He could see it on their faces.

And he was glad to be back.

But there was a bullet stuck in his lower back in the flesh just above his hipbone. The fact that it hadn’t wormed its way through his body and exited on the front meant that only the back of his shirt and inside of his jacket were bloody, but the longer he was going to stand here the longer he was risking to bleed through enough clothing that it would run down his leg and drip to the floor.

However Five wanted to be through with this before that happened, so he figured it was alright to glare a little and silently urge his siblings to hurry. As long as he forced himself he could ignore the pain for another while.

“Ben… Ben is _gone_ ,” Vanya’s quiet voice announced, trying to remain as firm as she could. “He stopped me, but my powers…” She couldn’t bring herself to finish the sentence. “I’m sorry,” she muttered, although there was nothing on her part to apologise for.

As solemnly as it was possible for someone like Klaus he took his sister’s hand and squeezed it, clasped between his own. Vanya’s voice hadn’t lacked sincerity, but looking around it became visible that it was Klaus’ confirmation that he couldn’t summon their brother anymore what they had all been waiting for.

Ben was gone.

Ben had been gone for a long while before this. But now he was gone for good. And there was a bullet in his back.

“How?” Luther asked. A valid question, Five admitted.

“Well,” Klaus said weighing his head, “he possessed Vanya.” Which seemed to explain everything in Klaus’ world. “He also possessed me, but that’s secondary to…” Klaus loosely gestured with his hand, indicating the lack of a ghostly Ben around the room.

Vanya muttered another apology. Klaus squeezed her hand again and quietly said something reassuring.

“He was the only one who could get to her,” Klaus continued to explain and pressed his mouth into a thin line.

“He was able to go in peace, I wanted you to know that,” Vanya said, twisting the hem of her shirt, overcome with grief and guilt.

Somewhere in the depths of Five’s chest a small chamber with Ben’s name etched on the walls twisted painfully. But there was a bullet in his back. And the blood which had soaked through his shirt was cold by now. It clung uncomfortably to his skin. If he had been in better shape he might have considered the question whether that was how the uniform had felt to Ben on their missions. Wet and cold.

Allison placed a comforting hand on Vanya’s shoulder and quietly spoke to her. Diego, usually the first and quickest to accuse was uncharacteristically quiet. The gravity of the situation was lost to none of them, not even Pogo, only their mother’s expression was out of place. Devoid of the pain she couldn’t feel exactly the same as them, although the creases in her expression spoke of a troubled nature.

There was a bullet.

The silence that they quietly devoted to Ben’s absence stretched on until it wore itself thin and they dispersed in equally quiet agreement. It was too much to take in after the fight. Too much to process and come up with words afterwards that weren’t muttered and half incomprehensible.

Bullet.

The word was hammering through Five’s head as he made his way up the stairs. He wanted to jump but he forced himself to walk. To take in every step of the weariness and the comfort of being home. It felt like forever and at the same time like the blink of an eye since he had walked through a building enveloped in the reassurance that he could fall asleep without worry or concern for his siblings or how he would find them or when he would next get to eat or drink.

Locking the door behind himself Five carefully peeled off his jacket and shirt as he walked over to his bed.

There was a first-aid kit he kept underneath it and now tossed onto the blanket. Only then did he take a moment to inspect the wound. It didn’t look so bad, but the blood loss had exhausted him. However, there was no way he was going to get the bullet out without seriously hurting his back in the process.

Feeling around the wound Five decided that it wasn’t necessary anyway and patched himself up. He thought about eating for a brief moment, but before he could follow through on that idea his body had decided for itself and dropped onto the mattress in all its exhaustion. Rewinding those few seconds must’ve taken more out of him than he’d realised. Or perhaps it was the realisation that he could sleep for however long he wanted. – The truth was somewhere in between.

PAST – Somewhere around 1996

Nervously picking at the short sleeve of his shirt Six entered the room and lifted his eyes in surprise when he saw Five sitting on the bench in the back of the room.

Visibly glad that he wasn’t alone but equally confused Six marched himself over to Five and sat down with him.

“Why are you here?” He asked quietly. “You _like_ using your powers.” It sounded just barely accusatory, because for all that Six was concerned their father had no reason to put Five in timeout.

Five moved his mouth sideways and glanced at his feet, which he shuffled ruefully over the floor. “I hate how dad’s babying me.” Frustrated Five stomped. “He doesn’t even let me try.”

Picking at his fingers Six pressed his lips together. “Dad’s making me through around stuff that weighs like people,” he muttered almost inaudibly. “I hate it, I always break things.” As he’d spoken Six had pulled his legs up onto the bench, wrapped his arms around them and pressed his face into his knees to suppress the almost silent sniffle. “I wish I had your powers…” Six muttered and blinked against the tears in the corners of his eyes.

Leaned back against the wall behind them Five watched him. “You wanna play catch?”

“Dad _forbade_ us to play,” Six remarked, but eventually untangled himself ever so slightly. “Just the two of us?”

“You, me and your weird ghost arms,” Five grinned and leaned a little closer. “You have to try and catch me when I jump, and when it’s my turn you have to try to keep away from me,” he explained.

Thoughtfully and a little sceptical Six regarded him. “Won’t we get in trouble?”

“We already _are_ in trouble,” Five replied and watched as a little grin split Six’s face.

PRESENT – Sometime not that recently anymore after Dallas

Five had suspected that he might have worn himself out more than he had initially thought when the wound hadn’t looked better after a week – it also didn’t look worse but he didn’t know what to do with that information. He’d since stitched it close and applied a layer of superglue just to be on the safe side because he didn’t want to keep changing his clothes every few hours just because he’d moved wrong.

The idea that Ben was gone for good seemed strange given the fact that Ben hadn’t participated in anything since his death except for Klaus’ life.

And he hadn’t seen him since he’d been thirteen the first time. Yet there had been something less finite about the thought of his death when Klaus could conjure him up as he wished and they were given one last opportunity to speak to their brother through him.

But Ben was gone for good now.

In a drawer on Ben’s desk he found a little toy monster that looked nothing like what he knew of Ben’s power.

Someone had scribbled angry eyebrows onto its face. Probably Diego or Klaus. Five couldn’t remember.

Curling his fingers around the small toy Five pressed his thumb against the mouth full of plastic teeth and went into the kitchen in search of food and coffee. Since they had returned he’d made a point out of stocking the kitchen with several boxes of his favourite blends.

The realisation that Ben was gone was settling like a nervous frog, springing from one person to the other and sometimes back. It made the house seem emptier in a way that they weren’t used to and while Vanya struggled with what her powers had done, Klaus seemed to be the most affected although he hid it well.

FUTURE – Around seven years into the apocalypse

The answer to the question of why Ben’s body hadn’t been among those he’d found at the academy Five had found in Vanya’s book. He’d found more than just the answer to that, but it was the first time that Five had been forced to consider that they could die without the world ending. It was the first time that he’d considered his own death and wondered whether he even had the chance of making it out of this hellscape of a wasteland.

In a way the thought that at least this way Ben didn’t have to watch his siblings die had soothed the ache somewhat.

Carefully Five led the razor along his throat as he glanced at the dusty mirror. There was no need to shave regularly or at all, given that it was much easier to wash his beard than keep it trimmed, but Five took pride in having been able to teach himself the skill and drawing the razor over his skin gave him at least a semblance of scraping off a layer of dirt.

It had been a while since he’d come across a stream that allowed him to bathe and at least for a while feel less like an amalgamation of dust, dirt and grime and more like a human. That was given that he was a human in the first place. So he took advantage of every opportunity that he got.

He washed his face and the razor before straightening his clothes. On some days however, he simply shaved and put on fresh clothes to shake the feeling of days gone by. And the haunting images of dead siblings in the rubble of the academy. In his dream they had all sat around the breakfast table and Ben had been there, everything had been just like the morning before he’d left and then somehow everything had collapsed. Before he could grasp the moment, it crumbled, along with the academy and the next thing he knew they were all dead.

Running a hand through his hair Five pushed unruly bangs out of the way. It was an old nightmare by now, he’d even grown used to it in a strangely comforting way. It always returned like a cold, tender hug that he had to shed in the morning like a snake with its skin.

He could feel Dolores’ concerned stare boring his holes into his back, but only had a weak smile for her. She never judged when the need to peel off yet another layer of grime and grief to continue functioning, but she knew as good as he did that it didn’t solve the root of the problem and never would.

Instinctively Five balled his fists but could immediately feel the unyielding strain of space and time unwilling to budge. It was the same as always. He could jump within the present but the past wouldn’t let him in.

Not yet anyway, Five told himself and settled next to Dolores.

Her plastic torso was a cheap compensation for human warmth but it was familiar like nothing else in the world. Sometimes she made him feel like a child hugging his comfort toy, other times she seemed almost realer than he felt himself and only a blink away from moving.

He wondered if it was like that for Klaus. If the ghosts were always at the edges of his vision, just like Dolores.

“Yeah, today it’s not working,” he admitted to the both of them and closed his eyes. He wanted a drink but all that he had was some warm, stale wine because he’d forgotten to put it away properly last night. Five drank it anyway.

Recently when he thought of Ben, he realised that he’d been too young to fully grasp what had happened between them. Both of them had been. But that didn’t make the hurt less poignant when it came. Unfortunately, the wine only dulled it at the edges. He wondered if Ben had lived to realise his feelings, if he even had felt the same… He’d always been so much better at all that emotional stuff.

PRESENT – Roughly two weeks since the return from Dallas

“Luther, have you seen Pogo?” Admittedly, Luther wasn’t his first choice but he was the first one Five had run into and he couldn’t teleport around the entire house in his state. “He’s not in the usual places.”

“He’s outside with mum,” Luther replied, briefly looking up from what he had been doing. He pointed towards the yard.

Appreciatively Five patted Luther’s back. “Thanks,” he said and made his way towards his new destination.

He’d barely walked a couple steps when Luther inquired, “are you… aright?”

“Peachy.”

“Your walk is stiff.”

“Slept wrong,” Five lied. He spoke curtly and his face was adorned with a menacing smile that managed to shut Luther up before he could ask any more questions.

The way into the yard seemed to become longer which each step that he had to fight the urge to clutch the wound at his back. The pain didn’t much bother him beyond it was uncomfortable, but his instinct was insisting that having a hand on his wound would immediately help with everything. And he was tired.

He found Pogo with Grace at the remains of Ben’s statue. There had been a time where the sight would have pained him, where he would have had to fight his feelings down, but Five had learnt to instead pack them up neatly like a picnic basket before storing them in that chamber labelled Ben in his heart until he would one day inevitably have to deal with them.

Today, however, wasn’t that day.

“Five, what an unexpected surprise,” Pogo spoke with a little smile. “You don’t look too well, is everything alright?”

“Bleeding out for two weeks ongoing kind of does that to you,” Five replied sourly and with no hint of pretence in his voice. “Infirmary, if you please…” he added with a breath on the tail end of his sentence. And then gestured encouragingly towards the house behind them.

PAST – Many times between 1999 and 2002 but not right after their first mission

Awkwardly Ben sat on his bed. He’d pulled his legs under his chin and curled his toes till they disappeared into his blanket. From the way his eyelids hang half-closed and his shoulders were raised anxiously it didn’t need saying that he couldn’t sleep.

“But dad’s gonna hear if I sneak back,” he protested meekly. “Dad won’t hear anything if you jump.”

It was part of their ritual. Ben had to complain about his fear of being caught, otherwise Five couldn’t pretend to be exasperated with him as he plopped himself onto the mattress. “You’re _such_ a baby,” he said, but his words had no edge to them. “Lie down, I wanna sleep,” Five ordered, stretching himself to get comfortable.

Groggily Ben let himself drop onto the mattress, well-aware that they weren’t allowed to leave their rooms at night under any circumstance. (Unless there was an alarm, but that was secondary to him right now.) He notoriously couldn’t sleep after spending the day bashing people’s bodies into every surrounding surface.

“You know you could kick the ass of that monster in your closet,” Five mumbled, draping his arm over Ben like it was second nature. “They’re all wimps compared to you.”

“I know,” Ben muttered into his arms, behind which he was rather poorly trying to hide his face. And looking not very happy about that prospect.

Five could barely hear him through the haze of oncoming sleep. “There, there, you’re gonna be alright,” he muttered and patted Ben’s tense shoulder.

“Don’t drool on my pillow again, Five,” Ben muttered just as sleepily in response. Trying but failing to sound menacing.

“Make me,” Five retorted on the edge of sleep. It wasn’t the first time they had done this. Nor would it be the last, but perhaps if Five had known that their nights together had been numbered from the start he would have bothered to figure out why he slept so easy whenever he had to soothe Ben’s nightmares with his presence.

Instinctively Ben clung to him in his sleep, seeking shelter when he buried his face in Five’s chest and listened, half-asleep, to his steady, relaxed heartbeat.

PRESENT – Infirmary of the Umbrella Academy

To say the least Pogo hadn’t been thrilled that Five had in the end grabbed a tube of superglue to shut the wound. And though the glue had done its job, Grace had been given the unpleasant task of opening and cleaning the wound again before extracting the bullet after all.

Given that it wasn’t healing they had decided it was better to remove all foreign items from the wound.

The process had made Five curse himself for not asking for a local anaesthetic. Exhausted his shoulders slumped down when Grace announced when she was all done. He wanted her to bring him some scotch, however the look on his face must’ve spoken volumes because Pogo gestured and when Five glanced at Grace he already saw her pouring a glass from their father’s alcohol cabinet.

It was, in all honesty, the best comfort she could have given him.

“Thanks,” he muttered, downed the glass, handed it back to her and grabbed the whole bottle from her other hand.

“Now that you’re all stitched up, we will run some tests, you can lie down for that if you want to,” Pogo offered, but Five shook his head.

With thoughtful concern Pogo studied him before he eventually nodded. “Very well then, let’s continue.”

With closed eyes and a throbbing back Five let Pogo and Grace attach their machines to him, barely aware that he was squeezing the life out of Ben’s toy monster. It was only when Grace gently stretched out his arm so she could draw blood, and exclaimed soft surprised “oh!” that he realised he’d been holding it. “I haven’t seen that in a while,” she noted with a fond smile but undeterred in her quest to deprive him of some more blood.

Pogo looked over right when Grace ordered Five to make a fist around the toy so she could find a vein.

Something soft but pained creased Pogo’s face once he saw the toy. “It must’ve been hard for you… the brother whose death you couldn’t prevent.” 

Five packed another neat picnic basket in his heart and swallowed. A bitter smile showed on his face. “I wanted to come back to the day I left, but beggars can’t be choosers.” He shrugged. There was no saving Ben. Simple as that. No matter what he wanted. No matter what he wished for. With a deep breath Five pressed the toy into his palm, wishing the indents would hurt more than they did. Wondering if he was simply out of tears or if the Commission had taken that from him along with so much else.

Seconds and hours seemed to tick by as one and the same while he waited for Pogo’s verdict.

“What is it Pogo, a deadly infection?” Five half-joked when he noticed the other’s widened eyes at the results.

“No…”

“Then what’s the face for?” Five wanted to sound cheerful but couldn’t help the frown.

Sympathetically Pogo looked up from his gathered notes on the clipboard. “Your cells, they have stopped – you aren’t healing not because you are sick but because time has stopped moving forward for you, I’m sorry Five.”

Five stared at the monster in his palm and the dents where he’d pressed it into his skin until his knuckles had shown white. With a quiet snort he closed his fingers around it again. “Can you fix it?”

“I don’t know,” Pogo admitted honestly. “I will have to study your condition further.”

FUTURE – After the Commission employs Five but before he deserts

It smelt like the bathroom all those years ago, the first time of many that he’d helped Ben wash off the blood after missions. It was like having a mouthful of pennies again. Five tried to scrape the taste out of his mouth with his tongue but couldn’t.

He’d always prided himself on leaving no trace, but there was always a first time he figured.

The smell made him feel like a child again. Only that this time he was the one with blood-crusted clothes and there wouldn’t ever be a Ben around to wipe his face clean.

Dropping the cleaver Five stepped away from the bodies. The blood underneath his shoes made his steps noisy.

Five paused. He would have to clean up before he presented his work to the Commission. But at least there had been no collateral damage. Everyone who had died had needed to according to the timeline.

Vaguely the heavy, blood-soaked suit made him understand Ben’s predicament, but it was overshadowed by blood-thirst for their father, raised by the same thought and hard to fight done. Perhaps they would have been better off swapping not only powers but also places, but it was too late for that now. Like it was too late for many things now.

“It’s going to be alright,” Five muttered to himself and started by cleaning his hands.

PRESENT – About a month after Dallas

Pogo had advised a great deal of things that were supposed to make his life with a hole in his back easier, and while Five had seen sense and reason to use the suitcase to obtain his files from the Commission this time, he wasn’t keen on anyone knowing about his visit. Although it was hard to ascribe deviousness to Herb; Five was untrusting towards the Commission by nature and wasn’t sure to begin with whether they would give him all his files.

So he simply took them and copied them.

What he’d brought back for Pogo had been the need for a minor blood transfusion and loose scraps of notes he’d scribbled down from the pages in his file. Supposedly they helped but were no guarantee, but Five wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to hope for anyway, and had eventually decided that he only wanted to hope he wouldn’t have to go back to his old employer. Knowing his luck however…

With that thought Five poured him a refill of his margarita.

On the counter in front of him sat Ben’s little toy monster.

Sliding his upper body arms first over the bar Klaus slid into his view and stared until Five saw himself forced to acknowledge him by flatly saying his name.

Klaus sighed. “Don’t mind me, I’m just vicariously living through you to fill the void the most annoying ghost I’ve ever come across in my life left.” From the corner of his eyes Five could see Klaus pressing his lips together to keep in whatever he didn’t want to say out loud.

“Sorry to disappoint, it’s virgin,” Five replied, unhappily staring into his already half-empty drink. His silent compromise with Pogo’s advice to drink less and preferably not at all, had been to split his alcohol intake in half. For the advice was as cruel as it was reasonable.

“Oh.” Unfortunately, Klaus really did sound disappointed. It seemingly lasted for a second though before Klaus reached over the counter and grabbed the mixer to pour himself a drink as well. And though he hadn’t asked Five let it slide for Klaus looked very much the way he felt underneath all the layers of homicidal rage, caffeine and alcohol. That vulnerable, hurt part that he’d kept buried for so long that it felt terribly frightening to show it.

“He was always with you, wasn’t he?” Five couldn’t help but ask.

“Most of the time,” Klaus answered, awfully preoccupied with the drink in his hand. “You think if I focus hard enough I’ll get placebo drunk off this?”

“Good luck I’ve been trying since I woke up,” Five scoffed and evaded Klaus’ gaze as his brother studied him.

Sighing Klaus lowered his glass. “Look, we all know why I would love to be day drunk, but– _ooohhh_ , is that Ben’s? I didn’t know he kept that…” Affectionately Klaus lifted the toy monster from where it had sat on the bar and turned it in his fingers. “I didn’t know you were one for keepsakes,” he teased and wiggled the toy in his hand.

His voice was harsher than he intended to when he demanded Klaus to give it back, only for his brother to playful lift it out of reach. Glowering Five repeated his demand and didn’t retract his hand until Klaus followed it.

“So, your cold little assassin heart _does_ beat after all,” Klaus mused with gentle, teasing affection and pulled his legs up unto the chair he was sitting on. “Who would have thought–”

“All I ever did was to save your sorry ass along with everyone else’s,” Five spat back. “If you’ve only come here to be insufferable I suggest you leave before I maim you – brother or not.” As he’d spoken Five had grabbed metal straw from behind the bar and pointed it threateningly at Klaus’ face.

Unimpressed Klaus pushed the straw aside. With another sigh he muttered something that could be, because it was Klaus, considered an apology so Five let it slide for the moment. “I’ll just have you know that God doesn’t like me and killing me won’t accomplish anything.”

“I’ll make me feel better,” Five replied earnestly but mildly confused. He wasn’t willing to believe in a God that allowed the Commission to toy with people’s lives as they had. Or a God that allowed Ben’s death and that of his siblings, however if there was a God that played favourites he wouldn’t have faulted them for wanting to keep Ben but not Klaus.

Letting his shoulders sink Klaus sighed once more, and immediately drank a large gulp of his margarita after he had apparently come to the conclusion he’d been looking for after staring at Five.

Clutching the toy Five hid his expression in his margarita.

Leaning with his back against the bar and his elbow on the counter Klaus drank his glass empty before quietly admitting, “most of the time.” It took Five until Klaus sighed once more and added, “he could be a real pain the ass,” before realising that he was answering his question about Ben. “He was always there when I didn’t need him… and always when I did.”

“Sounds like Ben, alright”, Five muttered into his glass. Reminded that he wasn’t dreaming by the way the toy pressed into his palm and the wound on his back hurt. Pressing his lips together Five meant to keep the bitter expression from his face, however not entirely successful, as something dawned on him. “Does that mean, you meant what you said at the bowling alley?” It seemed so far away now that Five could barely fathom it had happened less than a year ago.

“Yes!” Almost excitedly Klaus turned to him, reaching his arms out in an almost begging gesture to believe him. “He was there, I swear it, he saved Diego when the house collapsed!” Klaus paused with a gently imploring look on his face. “He manifested. I,” – Klaus gestured at himself, “did that” – he laughed incredulously – “I didn’t even know I could do that, can you believe it?” Re-evaluating that statement Klaus weighed his head, muttering something about Ben having been spared the worst during the years he’d spent out on the streets.

Hesitantly Five studied Klaus for a long moment. In his mind played Ben’s part from the theatre part. “I shouldn’t have dismissed you like that,” he admitted and quietly raised his glass in a gesture of apology towards Klaus.

“Yes, you should have,” Klaus replied in pragmatic desperation, “it would have been a horrible idea but you did the right thing at the moment,” he continued and leaned his head on his hand, although it was unclear whether he was staring through Five or studying him. “… Ben made me believe I was responsible for keeping him here for fourteen years and then just goes poof – Can you believe that?”

Five’s face twisted into a grimace that was stuck somewhere between pained and trying to keep a straight face.  
He managed a nod, unable to think of any other response, trying to focus his eyes on his drink, but instead he had to put it down and press his fingers into the corners of his eyes next to the bridge of his nose. It was all he could do keep his feelings as neat and orderly as he was used to. His other hand curled a little harder around the monster.

“And yet here I am, missing him,” Klaus finished his statement miserably.

“He always made me tell him it was going to be alright before missions,” Five added flatly. It had been like a silly little good luck charm of theirs, although Ben had believed a lot more in it… if only… It had been a long time since Five had entertained the thought, yet – if only he’d have had the chance to tell him one last time.

The corners of his mouth quivered and lowered just slightly. In an attempt to hide it Five downed the last of his drink and refilled his glass. Caught up in his own thoughts he barely noticed how quiet Klaus had gotten, until there was a sudden quiet sigh, the rustle of clothes and the sound of a bar stool moving across the floor as Klaus untangled himself from where he’d been sitting and draped himself over Five in an unprompted hug.

The unexpected touch, and warmth that enveloped him caught a little breath in his throat as one instinct fought the other, and though the grip around his glass tightened Five managed not to bash it in Klaus’ face and stab him with what would be left of it. But neither did he give him to the urge to cry which felt like scraping sandpaper along his insides because there was nothing left. Muttering some empty platitude which could have been soothing otherwise Five patted Klaus’ arm, finding it much easier to focus on his brother than on himself.

For a moment he felt like a child again, sitting with Ben in that bathtub, washing the blood off his hands and face with that fluttering feeling in his stomach. “It doesn’t matter,” Five muttered. Not sure whom he wanted to convince of that, but fairly certain that both of them needed to hear it. “Don’t look at me like that, Klaus.”

At this rate he wouldn’t be able to handle his feelings as neatly as he was used to. The baskets were already frayed and worn at the edges, unstable to the touch when he tried to sort them away.

“I’ve been coming to the conclusion that if it matters to yourself it’s enough.” In an attempt to comfort him Klaus squeezed his shoulder, but it only emphasised the hollow Five could feel growing in his chest as his ribcage seemed to shrink around it and suffocate him.

It took only a few seconds for their silence to be broken by a tired groan and Allison’s familiar steps. “Please tell me there’s alcohol in there.”

“No,” Five and Klaus replied in unison, while Five couldn’t help how sharp his voice sounded. As if he could use it to cut his emotions out. The Commission had already removed a great deal of them and the person he’d once been so what was a little more?

Sighing in disappointment Allison removed her shoes and poured herself a drink before plopping herself down at the bar, so that Five found himself surrounded by both of the others. “What’s up with you two?” Loosely she gestured in their direction while emptying half of her glass without pause, briefly raising her hand to indicate she had more to say. “You look positively gloomy.”

Unfortunately unwilling to completely let go of him, Klaus pulled up his chair so that had the opportunity to keep his presence in Five’s space even when he had to let go of him. “Emotional dead ends. Dead boyfriends.”

Five briefly considered going back to his plan of stabbing Klaus with the metal straw, before dismissing it and focusing his attention on Allison instead. “You look terrible.”

“Thanks, it’s the ex-husband,” Allison replied as if he had given her a compliment, slightly raising her glass and lowering her head as if making a silent toast to Patrick. “I just had to spend two hours arguing with him on the phone so I’d appreciate you not grilling me on that until I’ve had at least a dozen of these.” Lightly Allison swirled the liquid in her glass. Her gaze grew sympathetic as it focused on Five. “Has Klaus been talking your ear off about his ghost boyfriend from Vietnam?”

While he wasn’t sure what exactly his sister meant by that Five could hear Klaus make a small offended noise behind him. “We were talking about Ben,” Klaus clarified in earnest offence.

“ _Klaus_ ,” Five warned.

Allison’s brows furrowed as she tried to put that into context with his previous statement. Five thought about the metal straw behind the bar again. And though he couldn’t see the look on Klaus’ face judging by Allison’s expression he was making insinuations.

“Well, I haven’t gotten him to admit to anything but by the looks of Five has feelings f–” It wasn’t meant to be teasing, Five could hear that in his tone but right now it mattered little in the greater scheme of things.

“If you value your tongue, Klaus,” he interrupted sharply, “I suggest you shut up.” At this rate the toy was going to leave lasting marks on his palm, still Five pressed it harder into his skin just to feel something – anything – other than the sandpaper sadness or the overwhelming urge to stab Klaus in one of his various body parts.

Right now he was considering his thigh.

He could see how Klaus’ words were starting to form a thought in Allison’s head. A thought that underwent a great deal of scrutiny before it was applied to practice and soon after that there would be the sympathy, the pity, the unbearable, and even the worst: understanding.

“It doesn’t matter!” The words didn’t seem to come out of his own mouth. All Five could feel was how his fingers curled around the edge of the counter. All he could hear was the white noise in his head. Five closed his eyes, forcing himself to take a deep breath. “Ben’s _gone_. It doesn’t matter.”

Allison’s warm and gentle hand threaded through his hair on the side of his head and cupped his face. She didn’t say anything. She only sat there and held his face, while Five tried to let the warmth of her touch soak through his coarse and dry insides.

Once a long time ago he’d known how to cry. Now he feared if he tried to it would come up empty and ragged and unsatisfying despite the fact that he could feel tears in the corners of his eyes.

PAST – Outside the bank after the robbery

The cameras were on them and from somewhere their father would be watching. Five had a wide smile on his face, glad that the news anchors with their cameras and microphones and whatnot couldn’t see his eyes through the mask and how it didn’t reach them.

Reluctantly Ben had joined them, Five turned and smiled at him, briefly meaning it and allowed Klaus to push them a little closer together as he leaned on his shoulder. Behind their backs for neither camera nor their father to see Five brushed his knuckles against Ben’s which were still wet from the blood. Warm and slippery, but familiar.

Whether it was instinct because all eyes were on them, especially their father’s or because his hand was covered in blood; Ben’s hand flinched away from the touch, but Five grabbed it anyway and squeezed it, counting the seconds until Ben gingerly squeezed back.

Five loosened his grip until only their pinkies remained interlocked in a small promise of comfort that was only for them, while his heart fluttered like a hummingbird in his chest. He ascribed that to the adrenaline.

PRESENT – A while after what happened at the bar

It was the little room where Luther had ripped the floorboards open to find the evidence of his father’s betrayal, the room which harboured many of the books they had been forced to study as children. It might have once been inhabited by their father but since his death Pogo had made the room his own. Only the study on the first floor hadn’t been claimed, not even by their mother.

With his hands in his pockets Five entered the small workroom. He would have jumped but had learnt the hard way that his body found it much more taxing with a hole in it. On some days it was as easy as deciding between one piece of clothing and another, other days it was like fighting a primal instinct and Five found himself balling his fists before he had to forcibly relax them.

Surprised he paused on the threshold of the entrance when he saw Luther, who had awkwardly squeezed himself into a chair that looked fit for a person a third of his size when he sat in it, but would have been just a little too big for Five.

“I thought you had some new revelation about my case,” Five asked and sized up his brother as he entered the room after glancing briefly at Pogo. Luther looked positively lost, however Five had no intention of clearing up anything until Pogo had answered some questions.

Adjusting his glasses Pogo studied them both extensively, his face creased with heartfelt sympathy for something only he was privy to. “I believe you two might be able to help each other,” he said. Which explained very little, but the tone in his voice suggested that Five was going to find out very soon about how it might, and that he very likely would have some opinions on what had to be said.

In favour of silence Five gestured for Pogo to go on, who, however turned his attention towards Luther as if to ask if he was of the same opinion. Only when Luther shrugged and nodded as if to say that he wasn’t sure what he was agreeing to, did Pogo nod himself as if to say that they could proceed with whatever was going on.

“Your father had many reasons for keeping secrets from you, it’s time to disclose another,” Pogo stated as he flipped through the file Five had made for him from cut-outs and pages with blacked-out text from the Commission’s reports and statements. The only thing Five hadn’t told Pogo was that he’d blackened the text himself after copying the important parts, although judging from his expression after a first glance at the file it seemed that the other was well-aware of it. Still, he hadn’t commented on it, hadn’t chastised him for his secrets, but perhaps that was only because Five had made an effort to keep it comprehensive even without the finer details. Like what exactly his DNA was compromised of now. Or perhaps _who_ was more accurate.

Any other day Pogo might have earned a snarky remark aimed at their father for the mention of the secrets, but given how Pogo looked almost pitying and how much Allison’s warm hands and understanding eyes had drained him Five could only wait for the hammer to fall and shatter whatever belief it was that Pogo thought he was destroying now.

Five had jumped at the chance to leave Allison and Klaus to themselves for the chance to focus on something else. However he wasn’t so sure whether their father’s secrets were the appropriate distraction. – Wearily Five decided he wasn’t in any position to be picky.

Pogo thought for a moment before he spoke, as if he was deciding where to begin. “I believe you, Number Five, may be the key to reverse what your father did to Luther,” Pogo nodded towards his brother.

With widened eyes Luther turned to him before it dawned on him that he had no idea how that was supposed to work. “That’s… fantastic Pogo, but I don’t see how…”

“Luther when you came to us after that fateful mission, what threatened to kill you weren’t your wounds but your powers.”

“I don’t understand,” Luther shook his head in confusion.

A little smile showed on Pogo’s face. “The strength that you possess, Luther, would rip any normal human body apart and crush its bones, your injuries had weakened you to the point where it threatened to do that – the only solution your father saw was to give your body the ability to withstand that tear and he opted for the only DNA he was familiar enough with to ensure it would work.”

“Huh,” Five couldn’t help but to be intrigued by the implications of Pogo’s words. “So Luther here,” he mused, “is every mother saving her baby from underneath a car all day, every day, but without breaking his bones in the process…”

“That is correct,” Pogo replied with an appreciative nod. Gently he placed a hand on the file he was holding. “Your cells display exceptional regenerative ability, and I believe it is your powers that froze them in the first place, Luther’s however–”

Five’s eyes widened in understanding. “Would accept the modifications just fine…” With newfound fascination Five glanced at Luther. It had never occurred to him that he might be able to heal instead of kill and there was a part of him, feeble and small that wanted to be exactly that, despite knowing that he would never be exactly that. Something healing instead of something destructive. “Only problem is that I’ve been genetically butchered by the Commission so they could stitch me back together just how they liked,” Five remarked with sharp dissatisfaction tinging his words.

Luther’s mouth opened and closed like that of a fish while he tried to make heads and tails of what had been said, or perhaps simply stomach it, until Pogo raised a hand that quietly asked they let him continue.

“That be as it may,” Pogo said, his expression remained sympathetic. “But what your father kept from you is that you share a mother.”

“I don’t understand, we have the same birthday,” Luther replied, perhaps because his brain was still hung up on what had been said previously.

Five let out a quiet groan. “We’re twins you dolt!” He snapped. He hadn’t meant to and muttered something incomprehensible that could have been mistaken for an apology into his hand when he ran it over his face.

Pogo nodded. “Your mother was the only one that we know of, but I presume there were others who had twins as well,” he admitted. “Both of your DNA has been altered substantially so it would still be a great risk, but it is also the best chance either of you may have yet.”

The hollow that Five had felt in his chest sunk to the bottom of his stomach. Taking a quiet breath Five focused his stare on the floor. “So, if I cure Luther, we might have enough familiar DNA…”

“… to jumpstart your own cells, yes,” Pogo finished his sentence.

Flatly Luther intervened, “I need a drink.”

“Ditto,” Five agreed with a smile that never reached his eyes. And with that they left Pogo to his own devices and their genetic puzzle.

After finding a bottle of Whiskey in one of their father’s cabinets and making themselves comfortable on the nearest pair of chairs where Luther could comfortably sit while Five sank into the giant chair and sprawled himself out in the soft leather. He’d poured himself half of the whiskey and handed Luther the bottle, drinking his own share from a vase he’d found unused and empty and surprisingly not at all dusty.

“Pogo said your cells stopped. What did he mean?” Luther asked before emptying two fingers-width of the bottle.

Staring idly at the space in front of him Five swirled the liquid in his vase, mesmerised by how its weight shifted in his hands. “What he said.” Five emptied two large gulps from the vase. “My cells are frozen in time… I will forever be a pubescent menace.” When only silence answered him, he added with a quiet groan, “my cells refuse to die and I won’t age… again… ever… unless we can fix your big, hairy body so that maybe we can zap mine into behaving again.”

When Luther finally spoke, his voice was full of soft wonder. “Does that mean you’re forever my baby brother?”

Without thinking or dropping his vase of whiskey Five had jumped up and onto Luther’s chest where he grabbed him by the collar with his free hand. He had jumped on impulse, feeling faintly dizzy and a sharp pang in his lower back where the bullet had been, but no regret. But instead of doing anything Five simply settled himself onto Luther’s lap. “What makes you so sure you’re older?” He grumbled instead. “This just proves that he didn’t number us according to the order he found us in.”

“But you’re tiny,” Luther remarked in mildly tipsy earnest. “Also you literally are thirteen right now, nobody’s goin’ to believe you’re the older one.”

Groaning Five slumped his head against Luther’s chest, his shoulders and upper body immediately sank with it, while he hugged the vase of whiskey in an attempt to keep it from spilling over. “Don’t tell anyone,” he muttered as quiet as he could without being completely inaudible.

Luther snorted. “What? You think they will be jealous?”

“Not that, dingus!” Five retorted and boxed Luther’s side. He didn’t want them to worry, but he could hardly say those words without fearing of more than he wanted to come over his lips. Thankfully Luther understood that and patted his shoulder in an attempt of comfort.

PAST – Waiting to get tattooed

Klaus had been the first. Uncharacteristically courageous, his mouth bold as ever until the needle had hit his skin and he’d had to bite the inside of his lip.

Inadvertently Ben had flinched at the sight.

Five had folded his arms and stretched out his legs, attempting to look calmer than he really was. He’d never wondered up until now what it would be like to get tattooed. In an abstract way he understood that it would be painful, but watching Klaus had made that no less tangible. 

Allison had been next, mimicking Klaus’ bravery but with much less bravado. She’d had left the chair biting her lip and positioned herself next to Klaus, inching closer until she had been able to hide her tears by burying her head in his chest.

Only Ben’s mouth had twisted as he’d watched her, but the tears… the tears had drawn wires of tension of through Ben’s limbs. He’d straightened his legs with his feet firmly planted on the ground, next his shoulders and back became uncomfortably stiff.

Five pulled on his legs up to rest it on his knee, while he slouched just barely wanting to weld himself into the chair rather than be swallowed by it.

Diego looked like he was going to pass out any moment, and Five was pretty sure that he would exactly the moment it was over.

Ben hadn’t exactly managed to relax but he looked a lot better than Luther who had much more trouble hiding just how uncomfortable all of this was making him.

As Five slipped his arm in between the small space between the chairs, he told himself it was to calm Ben, but the truth was that for once he was just as nervous and hesitant. For the first time in his life it took every ounce of strength to strain against his instinct which screamed at him to jump and let the consequences be damned.

His fingers brushed Ben’s. But Ben was too caught up in his own fear to react.

Lightly Five curled his pinky around Ben’s glad that their father was too preoccupied with the tattoos to notice them. Ben’s skin seemed to burn against his own, and as he watched Diego dismiss their mother’s gesture of comfort his heart jumped into his throat.

PRESENT – Sometime after the Pogo’s revelation

Allison had escorted him to her room, allowing no buts or complaints – not that Five had had any, only questions about what the hell had gotten into her, but Allison wasn’t responding and Five felt like a kid being dragged through a shopping centre when he had really wanted to stay home. Of course he had considered jumping, but it hadn’t been worth the exertion. So he’d resigned himself to his present predicament.

“Why am I here?” He asked when she let go of him to search for something on her desk, but received no immediate answer.

Triumphantly Allison held up something golden and shiny, before closing her hands around it with a relieved sigh. “I was never quite sure whether it would have made my life better or worse if I had taken it with me to Dallas, but I’m glad it was here and safe.” Allison lowered her hand, opening it as she came closer, so that Five could see what she was holding.

On her palm rested a small, golden heart-shaped locket, engraved with the initials L + A. Luther and Allison.

Oh, Five thought. _That_ was why she hadn’t told him what this was about.

“I can’t remember why I stopped wearing it,” she admitted, a little smile playing around the edges of her mouth.

“We’re so not doing this,” Five said, turning on his heel to leave.

Behind him Allison sighed quietly and plopped herself onto the edge of her bed. It creaked slightly when she shifted a little to get comfortable. “Just sit here with me for a while,” she asked.

Five paused just short of the threshold. He swallowed, feeling like something was stuck in his throat. Well-aware that it was a mistake Five glanced over his shoulder anyway and found himself turning towards her. There was something hidden in the edges of her expression that made it hard for him feign indifference. That smidge of DNA that still was himself, that might be able to save Luther and in turn himself, that made him incapable of leaving now.

“What?!” Five couldn’t help the bite in his tone. “Ben was dead _before_ his ghost disappeared. He didn’t even make it to the apocalypse. Hell, he didn’t even get to _leave_ this place,” Five bit the inside of his lip. “There’s nothing I can do or say that’s going to make any difference… I don’t even know–” He didn’t even know if Ben had ever figured it out himself, but he couldn’t even say that. So instead Five shrugged.

Allison contemplated her locket for a moment, before turning her attention back to Five, and fastening it around her neck. “I always knew that it was something we shouldn’t… _feel_ ,” Allison quietly said, while moving the heart back and forth along its chain in an idle motion. “I knew that being adopted meant we weren’t really siblings, but I also knew that if we were I shouldn’t want Luther to kiss me, for a while I just thought it didn’t matter as long as I had him and I could rumour people…”

Her hand stopped and she stared off in the distance absent-minded. “There was a whole week where I thought at any moment someone would come up to me and yell at us to stop, where I felt watched by all of you, I thought – they _must_ know, all of them _know_ and they’re just waiting to _pounce_ , but you didn’t…” Allison breathed a quiet sigh. She smiled faintly, “not even Pogo or mum.”

Closing her eyes she seemed to reminisce one of the few less awful moments of their childhood. “Luther gave me the locket after you disappeared, I think it scared him in a way he didn’t consider before…” She tilted her head towards him, a gentle smile playing around the corners of her mouth but it hardly reached her eyes. “You think you’re prepared when someone finally says something, because you went over that conversation a dozen times in your head and then three dozen more, because you know every excuse in the book and you’ve rehearsed them in your head, but you’re not…”

Allison let go of the locket and it fell without a sound against her collarbone. The smile on her face lost its softness and her eyes became bleak. “I wasn’t,” she almost whispered. “It was like trying to prepare for a jump into cold water, but nobody ever tells you just how cold it really is or how far you have to jump… I wanted to rumour their rude words out of existences but I couldn’t even open my mouth, I just walked home and didn’t tell anyone about it because I thought they were right and I deserved that ridicule and shame.”

“You thought?” Five wasn’t sure why he was asking at all.

“It’s father’s fault more than anyone’s that I’m in this situation, well, and that of our mothers, but I realised that I don’t love Luther _because_ he’s my brother, I do so _in spite_ of it – it doesn’t matter what the law says he is to me…” Pressing her lips together her glance wandered off. “I hid – myself and my feelings – for so many years, I told myself I couldn’t because of my job, that if I wanted to be an actress Luther couldn’t be part of my life like that, I wanted to be normal, I didn’t want the press to someday find a blurry picture of me and Luther… _being children_ and ruining my career, so I married a nice, handsome man like I always wanted to and had a beautiful daughter and told myself that Luther was a closed chapter, a childhood mistake that I was too young to understand.”

It was miracle Allison hadn’t rumoured her feelings out of existence, Five thought.

He wanted to scoff but he wasn’t really sure what the little sound that came out of his throat qualified for. He already knew what she’d meant to say halfway through. No lie would ever satisfy his feelings. No lie would ever give him closure. It would only make him talk in circles around unspoken emotions until he’d have a bloody tongue from it, but perhaps at least then he might feel something else Five thought.

With no idea what to say Five simply let himself sink down next to her on the bed. All his wishes were for nought. He couldn’t even bring Ben back. Not now, not after having averted the apocalypse twice and finally being home. “How did you know you had feelings for Luther?” He asked instead.

Allison pondered the question for a long while before sighing dreamily. “I thought he was like those heroes in the movies we used to watch,” she dissolved into a burst of quiet, giddy laughter clearly aimed at herself. “Like a prince, you know…”

Five couldn’t help but to snort quietly, amused by the picture Allison had created in his head before he realised that she was looking expectantly at him. “Not like that,” Five had to admit. It hadn’t been like that. No moment of clear defined realisation that was comparable to the media they had consumed as children. “It just never occurred to me until it was way too late. I guess I’ve never been good with that stuff.” Not then and not now.

“What would you tell him if he were here?”

Five stared at the entrance to her bedroom and tried to imagine Ben standing in the half-open door. It was so much easier than he had expected. “I guess I’d say sorry for being such a stupid kid… and, do you remember that one time we were eight? You know _that one_.”

“Which one?”

“When you and Luther were dancing around each other too nervous to kiss. I thought it was stupid to make all that fuss when you could just get it out of the way.”

PAST – Sometime in the year 1997

They had been behaving like this for days now. Shyly nervous dancing around each other. Obviously wanting the other’s attention but unable to say it, so that it had taken Five a while to figure out what was going on between One and Three. 

Three wanted One to kiss her. Or maybe she wanted to do the kissing herself, and clearly One was more than on board with that idea however both of them seemed to incapable of actually getting it over with.

Dangling his legs through the gaps in the bannister Five watched his two siblings. He’d tried to remain hidden at first but given up when it had soon become evident that One and Three only had eyes for each other. It was almost vomit-inducing but so much more fascinating to watch than the books their father had given them to read.

Quietly Six had crawled up to the bannister to sit next to him, but Five had barely noticed the shuffling of his knees as he’d crawled across the floor. Only when he asked, “what are they doing?” did Five fully register him.

“Nothing, it’s about what they want to do,” he replied and swung his legs. “They want to kiss.” Admittedly, he was awfully proud of himself for figuring that out.

Immediately Ben pulled a face. “Ew. _Kissing_.”

Five muttered a quiet sound of agreement.

“Why don’t they?” Six whispered when nothing happened.

Pressing his face against the railing Five made a thoughtful face. “Apparently it’s a big deal. Three said it’s special.”

“Special how?” Six asked in quiet wonder.

“Beats me,” Five admitted and shrugged. He grabbed the railing and leaned back staring at the ceiling before letting himself sink face-first against the wooden bannister again. “I think they should just get it over,” – even if that meant being out of excuses not to read the book he’d been assigned to – “that way they can stop worrying about it.”

“Yeah,” Six quietly agreed and nodded.

And there was it. That little thought that Five didn’t quite understand. A part of him suddenly agreed with Three that things weren’t meant to be this easy, yet he just couldn’t see how. Kissing was very much a practical matter to him. So getting the first one out of the way just seemed like the most logical path to him.

Drawing his eyes away from One and Three he glanced over at Six. Shy, sweet Six. “I just wanna get it over with, so I don’t have to behave like them,” he decided just loud enough for his brother to hear. Idly Five swung his legs, careful not to hit the edge of the floor and draw attention towards them.

Six looked up, confused at first before the meaning of Five’s words dawned on him. He thought about that for a moment, with the same sincerity that he would have given the choice of his favourite superhero. He nodded.

“Cool,” Five replied. He pressed his lips together and wiggled his legs. He was neither excited nor nervous, but he found it hard to sit still all of a sudden. To combat that Five drew his legs back up onto the floor and sat on them as he turned towards Six, who was still holding onto the railing.

Five glanced downstairs to their siblings, eyes glued to Three who seemed to be leaning towards One on her tiptoes as if to kiss him light as a feather. But he didn’t need to see that to know how it worked. The mechanics were probably the easiest part given how Three and One were behaving. Five looked away, feeling like the around him was shrinking as he studied Six. As if his vision and hearing were trying to focus on one single point in time. And that point was Six.

Acutely aware of all that was happening in the bubble his perception had shrunken to Five leaned in to meet Six halfway and pressed his lips onto his brother’s. Thinking of Six as his brother in that situation didn’t seem quite right, but their father had said they were siblings through adoption and Five didn’t really have any other way to refer to him other than that or his number just yet. Boy seemed too unspecific. Six wasn’t just any boy.

His lips were warm and dry, and when he pulled away Five could feel the feeling tingling on his mouth. He wanted to touch his lips if only to find out how tangible the feeling was, but instead forcibly curled his fingers into fists on the floor.

Five watched as Six blinked his eyes open as if trying to determine whether it was okay to do so, precisely aware of every beat his heart did in his chest. His mouth felt dry and though the world seemed to have shrunken down to the both of them, Five felt overcome with the sudden fear of intrusion but when he carefully glanced around there was nobody who could have seen him.

His stomach flipped over anyway. He wanted to say something but couldn’t think of anything, he hadn’t expected to feel anything and wasn’t sure how to categorise what he did feel anyway. But it still wasn’t as big of a deal as it had seemed with One and Three.

In quiet agreement Five and Six went back to their books without wasting any words on what had happened.

PRESENT – A few days after the conversation with Allison, during the night

There was a simplicity in eating peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches with Vanya. It was just like when they were kids and hungry late at night. The only difference was that Five had also poured himself a large cup of coffee while Vanya stuck with her mug of tea because of the late hour.

“I’m a human violin,” she stated as matter-of-factly as she could while Five examined the marking on her stomach.

She had pulled her shirt up just enough so that he could see one of the f-holes.

He had to fight some dumb primal instinct that made him want to try and stick his finger into it, just to see whether it was just a mark on an actual hole in Vanya’s body, but instead bit into his sandwich before he answered. “What did Pogo say?”

“That as long as it doesn’t hurt I shouldn’t worry too much about it…” She exposed a bit of skin over the middle of her stomach to show the strings that disappeared underneath her pants.

Five’s eyes followed them up the invisible line under her clothes from where they continued over the front of her throat and chin and then abruptly stopped on her bottom lip. The curved over it and seemed to disappear into her mouth.

Ever since they had appeared Vanya had covered her neck and lower face with a scarf, hesitant to show what her body was turning into although Vanya didn’t seem half as freaked out by it as Five would have expected. Letting go of her shirt Vanya curled her hands around her cup of tea again and drew her legs so close so that she was almost curled into a ball. A very comfortable looking ball, although perhaps a little tired because of the time.

“And you? Are you doing okay?”

With no sandwich left to buy him time for his answer Five focused on drinking coffee and quietly staring into the dark liquid. “Okay enough,” Five eventually replied and glanced towards Vanya. “Sorry, about Sissy, I know she meant a lot to you.”

Vanya looked like she wanted to make a remark about him remembering her name at all, but instead she bit into her sandwich, chewing whatever emotions his words had stirred up away with determination. “You were just trying to get us home…” Vanya eventually replied, staring at her half-eaten sandwich. She pressed one of her hands to the edge of her eye and sniffed as if suppressing oncoming tears. “You could have been a bit less of an asshole about it though,” she managed with a weak smile, “she and Harlan – they were _family_ …”

Five pressed his lips together and because he didn’t know what to say he simply grabbed her hand and squeezed it as hard as he could, as if that made it possible for her to feel all the things he couldn’t find the words to say. If there had been the time to sit down and talk, just talk and explain everything that had happened. Perhaps then he would have had a chance to explain everything to her.

“If you want to…” Five said quietly, “I’ll find out where they were buried then you can visit them… we could visit the farm. I could probably buy it if it’s still standing.”

It was the first time that Vanya squeezed his hand back, and when she looked at him she seemed to see something that soothed some of the hurt he had caused her in that frustratingly desperate attempt to save all of them from the impending doom of the end of the world. Again. “Okay enough,” Vanya admitted quietly with tears glistening in the edges of her eyes. She shut them, her shoulders slumping down as she breathed out and aimless stared at the space above her. Seemingly absent-minded Vanya took her cup of tea back into her free hand. “Aren’t we a mess.”

PRESENT – About six months after Dallas

The commotion in the entrance hall had started with Allison who’d made a high-pitched sound of happiness and thus had drawn out Klaus who after some incredulous gawking hadn’t stopped chattering, which then had drawn Diego out, who in turn had drawn Luther out and by then the four of them were already making quite the commotion which had caught Vanya’s attention of course. So of course Five had wanted to know what all the fuss was about too.

When he found his siblings all of them were in quiet excitement gathered around a figure that, like this, Five only knew as a statue.

Vanya still hung half on Ben’s shoulders from her hug, with a bewildered but happy smile on her face.

There were a number of things that went through Five’s head and none of them pleasant and the sight of their previously dead brother. The worst was that although he knew he should be happy and that he wanted to be happy, all that Five could think about was that it had to be some sick joke of the Commission.

Perhaps he’d miscalculated and the Handler had survived and this was her way of ensuring he wouldn’t get the peaceful ending he had desired for decades.

“I’d ask how, but I think I’m the only one here who knows,” Five muttered quietly and shoved his fists into his pockets without approaching Ben. As much as he wanted to hug him like all the others had he couldn’t even take a single step forward.

“Herb said to consider this a bonus…” A faint smile showed on Ben’s face, as he nervously shifted in place.

The smile looked just like Five remembered, what was new was how it wrung his heart with each beat. “Herb…” His name sounded empty on his tongue.

Diego laughed in triumph. “La Résistance strikes again!”

Five couldn’t help the quiet snort that came over his lips, he almost wanted to take it back when he saw the look in Ben’s eyes, but if there was one thing he’d learnt the hard way then it was not to trust gifts from the Commission. And that the more appealing they were the more likely it was that they were coming back to bite him. And yet…

“No traps, no strings attached,” Ben agreed and took a step forward and then another and suddenly he was standing in front of him and Five realised he’d been frozen to the spot. “… Five?”

Five realise this hadn’t been the first time Ben had said his name as he’d approached him. _Don’t_ , he wanted to say but couldn’t bring the word to come over his lips. _Don’t_. Because he wouldn’t be able to stop the snare if they had all lied and this was one final attempt to bring him to justice for leaving them and changing their course of history so drastically. Instead Five sank against Ben’s solid chest. Even with only three years between them Ben still managed to tower over him. (Or perhaps that too had been the Commission’s work).

“C’mere, you grumpy old man,” Ben sighed and hugged him as hard as he could.

Slowly, and with much convincing Five managed to go against his instincts and pull of his hands out of his pockets to loosely wrap around Ben’s figure and pat his back. It was all he could bring himself to do, but it seemed to be enough for Ben. “It’s good to have you back,” Five muttered and meant it.

When Ben let go and took a step back, now encircled by his siblings, Five added, “now explain to me what they did.”

With a little frown on his forehead Ben folded his arms. “Herb said this body was the one they had the best references for.” A little laugh escaped him when he added, “they offered to age me up, but I think that would’ve been weird.” Idly Ben shifted his weight and looked down his body with the wonder of someone who couldn’t believe that what they experienced was real. “I don’t really know how this works, but don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, right? Herb seems alright. Dot’s nice too. There was candy that tasted like decades!”

It wasn’t enough to make him laugh, but still it amused Five. He couldn’t quite trust the situation yet and he wasn’t sure if he could, but he wanted to trust Ben.

PRESENT – Later that week

Ben had brought nothing with him except for the clothes he wore and a bag filled with some extra clothes, snacks and books he’d picked up along the way here.

The Commission had offered to bring him to their doorstep but Ben had wanted to walk. That was why it had taken him so long to get here in the first place Ben had explained.

The first day they had done nothing but talk. They had talked so much that Five was certain none of them had noticed how little he’d said. There was so much he’d missed and so much more that he knew but hadn’t been able to share the experience for because he’d only read about it in Vanya’s book.

Ben had visibly revelled in the attention of his siblings. The joy of being heard and seen, and being able to draw attention from not just Klaus repeatedly brought a bright smile to his face at all times.

Needless to say, it had been a long week and Ben seemingly hadn’t wanted a single quiet minute with his siblings, enjoying the small things just as much as the bigger ones. Somewhere in between Ben had given him a letter which the Commission had issued in Herb’s name with a detailed list of all things they had done to Ben’s body to ensure he was of sound health in every aspect of that word, while still retaining the memories of what he’d experienced with Klaus. And though Five wasn’t sure what he had to say about working the essence of the ghost into his conscience it wasn’t even scratching the surface of what the Commission was capable of. Compared to what they had done to him Ben’s file looked almost clean. If he’d had that much emotion left it might have been enough to make him cry, but this way Five had only sighed and stored the letter safely away in one of his drawers.

When Ben had asked what was in that letter he’d simply stated, “you’re in fine fettle,” and patted his brother’s arm in an attempt of comfort. The state of the envelope had revealed that someone – most likely Ben – had previously opened it, but Five couldn’t fault him for that. He would have been curious too.

It was getting late and the caffeine was keeping him awake but Five didn’t mind, he preferred the quiet of the house at night over all the noise his siblings made all day long.

What he didn’t expect was to find Ben sitting on the edge of his bed, that hadn’t been touched since his death like everything else in his room. (Except when their mother had come in to dust apparently). None of them really used their rooms anymore, although it was good to have a place to return to.

Since their father had died they had spread out through the house, making their own little quarters far away from each other. Everyone, including Vanya.

At least for the time being. All in silent agreement that knowing where the others were but without direct contact, was the preferable state of being for now.

“Hey.” Five couldn’t say why he wandered a few steps into Ben’s room before stopping where he stood, but it didn’t feel right to just walk past him.

Ben focused his eyes on him. “Hey.”

Five wasn’t sure why he’d come here or what he wanted to say, but a part of him had simply wanted Ben to himself even if only for a few minutes. “Can’t sleep?” He asked.

“Something like that,” Ben replied after thinking about his answer for a moment. “It’s weird, feeling tired… sleeping is nice though.” He made a thoughtful face. “Do you remember when we were kids?”

A faint smile showed on Five’s face and his brows creased just a little. “Which time?”

That amused Ben. “Do you think we’ll still fit in here?” He patted the mattress.

Five couldn’t help a dry laugh and doubtfully looked at him. So he had trouble sleeping after all, but just this once Five didn’t mind the roundabout way of asking. It had been a long time since the last after all.

When he did nothing else Ben asked, “did the letter say anything I should be concerned about?”

“No,” Five sighed, rolling his shoulder in an attempt get comfortable and took a step forward. Then another and another, until he stood before him. “You’re perfectly normal,” he assured Ben, just like he had the first time.

No modifications, no nothing that hadn’t needed doing in the first place. Everything they had done had been to ensure that Ben was exactly the way he needed to be.

A devious little glimmer blinked in Ben’s eyes when he grabbed him fast enough that only a jump would have ensured his escape, but Five didn’t and uncomfortably landed on the bed with his brother. Which was not due to the bed but because he felt the wound on his back with pinpoint accuracy. Biting down a sound of pain, but unable to do something about the creases on his forehead Five looked up.

“Cramped,” was Ben’s expert verdict.

“You’re too big,” Five remarked matter-of-factly.

Noticing the pain on his face Ben asked, “did you hurt your head?”

Five shook his head. “It’s fine. It’ll pass in a moment,” he said and took a deep breath, trying to force his body to relax a little more. That usually helped to make him feel better, but he was too distracted by Ben’s scent in his nose to pay attention to his own body. The only thing Five could feel was the tingling that started in his stomach and spread through the rest of him as he realised just how close they were to each other.

It had been years since he’d thought about that stupid kiss until Allison had reminded him of it again. And now lying here, feeling Ben’s warmth so close to himself, Five thought he understood what all the fuss was about a little better. It would be so easy to just kiss him, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

“You always drooled on my pillow,” Ben teased.

With closed eyes Five choked up a laugh. “But you still let me sleep here. You insisted.” The truth was, that Ben had cried in his sleep more than often, but Five had been content to let him believe otherwise. Remembering Allison’s question and against better judgement, he asked quietly, “do you remember that one time we were eight?”

“Which time?”

Five opened his eyes to study Ben’s face.

“ _That time_.” Ben concluded after consulting Five’s expression.

“Hm-mh,” Five hummed, while it crossed his mind that this was possibly the worst thing he could do to himself or Ben, but unable to stop himself. Perhaps there was no way to reverse what his father had done to Luther and then there would be no way of saving him as well, unless he asked the Commission itself. All of his hopes rested on Pogo being able to scrape enough of what little of himself remained in his DNA together so that Luther’s body wouldn’t reject it, just so that they had a chance of undoing the Commission’s work.

It wouldn’t even be the worst to stay forever thirteen. At least this time he would get to spend his life with his family. It would take a while for them to notice anyway.

Ben’s hand touched his face. A simple comforting touch that wasn’t asking for anything. Closing his eyes Five breathed in and when he opened them again he was standing next to the bed looking at a confused Ben. Five had barely noticed the pull, it had been so instinctual that the jump had happened before he’d recognised what he had been doing. Immediately he could feel the complaint from his wound, but decidedly ignored it. His mouth opened to speak but he could only feel the tremble of his jaw and tongue. The words that he wanted to say were too cruel given his predicament

“No remembering,” was what he eventually said. Five wasn’t sure if that was any less cruel.

The least he could do was tell him the truth, he thought. He had to tell all of them eventually anyway. So why not start with Ben, who deserved it the most. But he wasn’t good with that, never had been and the Commission had just made it worse when they had altered his DNA.

Forcing himself to look at Ben Five took a quiet breath and equally quietly stated, “I’m not getting older.” But there was one thing that he had always been good with and that was facts, so that was what Five chose to focus on now. “I won’t age – I can’t, my body is frozen in time, I’ll be _thirteen_ for the rest of my godforsaken life!” With a quivering breath Five attempted to straighten himself, as if that helped with. At least this time he found enough of himself to feel broken about it. “So, no remembering because that’s a dead-end street for both of us.”

As he watched Ben roll over and sit up, Five contemplated jumping away. He had said all there was to say and it was probably better if both of them figured the rest on their own from here on out. But before he could do anything Ben’s tentacles had wrapped around his limbs. An action which surprised Ben as much as himself.

Unwilling to lose his composure Ben said a single word, “explain.”

Explain.

Five wasn’t sure if that was even possible. Instinctively he balled his fists but the blue glimmer around them was faint and didn’t last long enough to carry him anywhere. And though he could have forced it, he didn’t want to. How the hell should he explain what the Commission had done to him, when they had cut him open and restructured his whole being to their liking.

Shaking his head Five said, “that boy from when we were eight, that me, doesn’t exist anymore.” He was gone like so many other things. But that image of himself in Ben’s head was more tangible than the abstract concept of his cells he imagined.

Still confusion showed on Ben’s face. “Of course we’re not those kids anymore.”

A bleak expression shadowed Five’s face. “I’m not talking about lost childhood innocence, though I doubt we ever had that in the first place, the Five that was raised in this house doesn’t exist anymore, I’m nothing but _scraps_ of him.” The wound on his back still throbbed with mild pain. Five chose to ignore it again. Scoffing he averted his eyes. “Don’t you get it, the Commission scooped out everything they didn’t like and replaced it with what they needed.” He almost regretted his words when he saw how Ben’s face paled in response, but taking them back wouldn’t make it any better now. “Don’t worry they didn’t do that to you, the letter they gave you contained all they had to do to bring you back, you think I wouldn’t have raised hell if they had so much as changed the genetic structure of your hair?” In his own way, he meant it to be comforting.

Ben only had to tug at his limbs, and unwind his grip enough to let him walk on his own to get Five to stumble forward till there was a less than half a step of space left between them. Against his back he could feel Ben’s tentacles like a solid, warm wall that wasn’t quite as rigid as a real wall should have been. Instead the tentacles moved ever so slightly, as all living things tended to, when they pressed against him.

“Instead of enhanced regeneration all they gave me were cells unable to die and instead of telling me they covered it up…” There was so much more that he could have told him but instead Five shook his head. “It doesn’t really matter that much; bottom line is my body is stuck in time and I won’t grow any older unless Pogo makes a miracle happen.”

Whatever he had expected it hadn’t been for Ben to pull him into a hug that meant to slowly crush his ribs, but Five didn’t stop him even if it increased the pain of his bullet wound. And when he had finally squeezed the breath out of his lungs and Five felt a little more human again and Ben had let go, he simply stood there, not sure what to do with himself when jumping seemed like a cheap escape now. – Escape from what anyway? He couldn’t do anything about his situation. Not with an open wound on his body.

“I’m here,” Ben said quietly, his eyes fixed on Five’s. “So what are the chances of Pogo making that happen?”  
Five shrugged. He could do the math and he had, but he didn’t want to recount that now. “What does it matter, I could stay thirteen for a decade, it’s–” Five halted and had to force himself to continue speaking, “it’s my powers, Ben, that’s what suspended my body in time, and it’s not like there are research papers on _me_.”

“What? You and dad didn’t write any?”

Perplexed Five stared at him for a moment. It was almost ridiculous. Almost. “Ben… even if Pogo manages to find a cure, which for reasons I don’t want to get into right now involves curing Luther first, doesn’t mean it’s going to work immediately – or at all.”

Staring at the floor Ben seemed to contemplate his answer. “Stay anyway,” he muttered after a while. “For me… I really don’t like sleeping alone in this room.”

“You could always sleep on the couch again.”

“I like that this room has a door,” Ben emphasised with a sigh and invitingly opened his arms.

Against better judgement Five closed the last bit of distance between them. “What do you need a door for?” he teased.

“I don’t,” Ben replied and wrapped him into a hug that was tentacles just as much as arms. “You do,” he quietly added, patiently waiting until Five gave in.

He half-crawled, half-stumbled onto the edge of the bed in his attempt to sink into Ben’s arms and leaned his head against his shoulder, uncertain who of them needed it more but unable to stop himself. Deeply Five sighed and wrapped his arms around Ben, trying to quiet the tumult inside of him but finding it difficult when he wanted Ben to stay this close forever, but being unable to say that out loud.

PRESENT – That same weekend

Klaus wore a light pink dress covered in a strawberry print. Which wasn’t the most important thing about the situation or even the weirdest, it was Klaus after all and that made it perfectly normal. The only reason it caught Five’s attention was because Klaus wasn’t supposed to be here and the dress was such an unexpected splash of colour in the room that he couldn’t help but notice.

Five lightly frowned as he watched Klaus who was sitting barefoot on the floor and explaining what sounded like colourful block puzzle to Pogo, while pointing at something on the pages of a notebook that Pogo was holding.

When he noticed Five he looked up and smiled, throwing in a brief greeting before he continued talking to Pogo. And because Five really wasn’t sure what the hell he was witnessing, he decided to wait until Klaus was done and took to lounging on the couch instead of leaving for another five minutes like Pogo had said he could.

The prospect that Klaus could find out or already knew, which implied that either Pogo had told him or he’d figured it out himself was enough to make him silently seethe, but Five managed to summon enough reason to push his anger aside and refrain from stabbing anyone. It wasn’t Klaus’ fault, or Pogo’s really that the thought alone made him want to rip somebody’s head off. There were things that were worth the carnage, but this wasn’t one of them.

Curious about what was going on Five eventually made his over to have a look at the notebook. What Klaus had described he realised was not a simple block puzzle but the base problem of finding a way where his own and Luther’s DNA somehow ended up compatible enough that it could actually fix something before the danger of rejection hit. Each element had been colour-coded, which did explain why Klaus had spoken in colours, however, what the pages showed wasn’t half as bad an idea.

Surprised Five lifted his gaze. “You did that?” He asked. “Impressive,” Five admitted when Klaus nodded.

Turning to Pogo he asked, “why did you want me here?”

“Because your brother’s theory has yielded strikingly positive results, however there is only so much we can do in the lab and with your agreement I would like to run the next test on your wound – it’s a small area and you run a far smaller risk than Luther given the state of… well yourself.” Pogo studied him attentively over the rim of his glasses while he waited for Five to answer. His stare silently suggested that they could always ask the Commission for help if Five wanted to be _that_ sure that it was going to work.

“It is your choice,” Pogo added, “and your hesitation is perfectly understandable.”

“No,” Five shook his head. Compared to everything else this was nothing, besides, just maybe…. Just maybe it would work. “Do whatever you have to.”

PRESENT – Long enough after that so that it’s plausible for Pogo to have the serum ready

Other than the sting of the needle Five hadn’t felt anything. He certainly hadn’t felt any different than before, but he’d been stuck in the laboratory with Klaus since then. Five had no idea where Luther was, but there was a small part of him that thought it was unfair that he wasn’t here.

That had been before the pain.

It had started small. A sting boring itself into a space where the bullet had been, nothing that Five couldn’t ignore. Even when it had proved to be awfully persistent.

Five couldn’t remember when it had become a sharp, cutting pain only that it had forced him to sit down and concentrate on remaining still. Even though Five didn’t feel much other than his patience shortening by the minute, the fact that Klaus scooted closer and talked more weird things than normally, in an attempt distract him, was mildly alarming.

At the very least it meant that Five didn’t have to put much effort into listening, because Klaus didn’t seem to expect that in the first place.

It was the burn that eventually made him sway ever so slightly before his head thumped against Klaus’ arm looking for support.

Five tried to listen to what his brother was saying but he couldn’t translate the sounds into words that made sense over the feeling as if someone was cauterising his muscles back together. And when he dug his fingers into the first thing he could grasp it seemed to be Klaus’ arm, it was evidently hard enough to cause pain. If it hadn’t been for the pain, maybe he would have apologised. After all this wasn’t on purpose or for any good reason.

The next thing Five realised was that he was lying down and that Klaus was gone. His mouth formed Klaus’ name but he couldn’t have said whether he’d whispered or yelled it or even managed to utter it coherently. Probably the first one.

Half an eternity in the form of seconds or minutes passed before he heard footsteps and was able to make out Klaus’ voice and that now uncomfortably pink dress in his vision, which forced him to squeeze his eyes shut. Through the overwhelming burning sensation he made out someone who – probably carefully – prodded his back where the bullet had entered. Most likely Pogo, but Five never managed to continue that thought. Instead he tried to focus on what was said, and though the words didn’t want to make much sense he couldn’t detect any hint of panic in them.

Five closed his eyes again which had blinked open again, and though he knew it was futile tried to get comfortable.

The other half of that eternity seemed to pass again before another voice added herself to the mix. Five recognised it, but was too weary to place it.

And only when he was lifted from the laboratory table and lifted against something – someone – much warmer and softer, did his body realise just how uncomfortable he’d been lying there. 

It wasn’t Grace. She was quite soft for being a robot, but not in the way another living, breathing human was, but in the way a pillow was comfortable, not to mention that she wasn’t as warm in the same way a real human was. And this, that much Five recognised, was the warmth of another human.

The scent that surrounded him was familiar and a little nostalgic. Which his mind vaguely and rightly interpreted that it meant one of his sisters had picked him up, but the information wasn’t important enough for Five to follow up on it or even form a coherent thought with it.

The arms that held him shifted him to get a better grip and one of the attached hands pressed against the wound on his back.

Perhaps a single pained sound would have been enough but Five forced his eyes open. He stared at Allison without recognising her for longer than he could focus. “Remove your hand or I will,” Five hissed, staring right through her at the ceiling above. “It feels like my body is cauterising itself from the inside out.”

Immediately Allison shifted her arms again, leaning him against her shoulder, where his eyes fell shut almost on their own when the pain she’d involuntarily caused was gone. Allison made a soft sound and said something close to his face, but all Five could register where the warmth of her breath, her perfume and the promise of safety in her words that wrapped around him like cotton candy.

The click of her heals took him away from the laboratory, and though Five had no idea where she was bringing him he couldn’t be bothered with finding out. Instead he felt himself sink into her arms, with his head leaning against her chest.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he realised she’d exchanged the lab for a bed when the smell of her perfume faded from his nose and her arms were replaced by the all-encompassing warmth of a blanket that was wrapped around him. Five didn’t remember much after that.

It was like someone had wrapped him into a cocoon of comfort and warmth, a feeling so needed and strange that for all that Five wanted to enjoy it he forced himself to blink his eyes open and glance at his surroundings. Just to make sure.

Crawling out from under the blanket he’d been tucked under Five looked around his room for immediate threats the only thing he found was Ben curled up on the floor next to his bed. Only to realise that Allison had brought him into his old room. Which for better or for worse had probably been the best idea. Vaguely he remembered her through the haze of his pain.

His gaze wandered to Ben who’d made himself a pillow out of his arms and hoods on the floor. He’d sometimes done that when they had been kids, refusing to sleep alone but not wanting to admit that he needed comfort Ben had snuck into their rooms and curled up on the floor in front of their beds. More than often Five’s.

Shifting his weight Five felt an uncomfortable pull at his back where the wound had been. Careful not to further injure himself he turned and pulled the back of his shirt out of the way to see whether the sutures had opened.

Only to remember that Pogo had removed them before injecting the serum into him.

Where previously had gaped a red mean hole was nothing but soft pink skin. It was slightly scarred at the edges and when Five carefully brushed his fingertips over it the new skin felt raw and sensitive. But it had worked.

It had worked.

The words circled through his head, as he let himself fall back on his bed. The implication of it made his heart jump into his throat and he had to close his eyes to force his thoughts to focus.

A little familiar sigh tore him from his thoughts. Allison had poked her head through the door, using her elbow to push it open because she carried a tray with plates of food in her hands and what looked like lunch bags, but whatever she had planned to do – her attention had been clearly diverted by Ben sleeping on the floor.

Five pushed himself up onto his elbows and watched her set the tablet on his nightstand before gently nudging Ben awake and when she couldn’t convince him to do that, to at least crawl over Five and squeeze himself in between the space of Five and wall.

This time Five managed to sit up without causing himself pain. He glanced at Ben for a moment and then at his sister and the tray she had brought.

Allison pulled a chair up to the bed so she could sit close to him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, good,” Five decided after thinking about it for a moment. He glanced at her plates of breakfast again.

Instead of taking his word for it Allison sized him up before deciding that his words would be believed. “I thought you might be hungry,” she said, folding her hands, “and then Klaus showed up, so I gave him the first share and then Diego was being sulky so I had to make breakfast for him too…” She sighed quietly with a little frown on her head. “And well, Ben can probably take care of himself, but he deserves something nice…” She trailed off, glancing at her breakfast tray. “Oh, I also made some lunch, so you don’t have to worry about that, and then I made some for Klaus because he has really terrible eating habits and I wouldn’t trust him with money and I was at it anyway, so I had to make some for Diego too…”

Allison sunk her head into her hands, squishing her cheeks into them as she stared at the paper bags she’d packed as if it only now occurred to her what she had been doing. She glanced at Five, mildly distraught by her own actions. “God, what am I doing, the last thing you probably need is someone mothering you,” she groaned, hiding her face no.

“It’s okay.” Five could tell that she had only meant well. “Thank you, Allison.” Admittedly, what he cared about the most was the coffee, but the thought of his sister preparing something for him warmed a small little something of comfort in his chest.

She peered up at him over her fingertips. “Vanya suggested we have dinner together tonight,” she quietly added. “She said it might be nice to actually do something quiet and normal together, and well we never really eat together and it might be nice for Ben.”

Five couldn’t help the little laugh that escaped his throat. “Quiet? – We can’t do _anything_ quiet.”

Suppressing her quiet laughter Allison lifted her head. She tilted it just a little and looked at him with something soft and relieved before she took one of the plates from the tray she had brought and placed it on his lap.

There was some fruit decorated on top of it and she offered him a glass of jam, that Five took after brief contemplation. He wouldn’t have been able to stomach the sugary sweetness of syrup but jam his body would likely accept.

Momentarily distracted by his hunger and the pancakes, he had devoured one and a half of them before he couldn’t keep ignoring how Allison kept watching him. “I’m fine,” Five insisted, grumbling a little and stabbing his pancake a threateningly as he could manage.

“I know,” Allison said, a brief smile crossing her face. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

Five studied her as he chewed.

“You don’t have to,” she added, “but you spooked Ben pretty bad, I’ve never seen him so pale and he was the one smashing people to bits when we were kids.” Allison reached over the bed to brush her fingers through Ben’s hair. Then almost absent-mindedly she smoothed Five’s hair back when she got up, it was an action done so unthinkingly she must’ve done half a thousand times with Claire he realised.

As Allison left the room she left a serene cloud of peace and perfume in her wake.

Five finished his plate of pancakes and fruit, and turned to his coffee when there wasn’t even a crumb left. He didn’t feel like getting up anytime soon, much too comfortable with Ben curled up at his side and the warm cup in his hands. He’d just settled against the headboard with his pillow, careful not to spill his coffee when Ben stirred.

He mumbled something incomprehensible, that translated to something like “coffee!” and “gimme!” As he saw no reason to object Five obliged by letting Ben crawl over him towards Allison’s tray onto which she’d crammed a pot of coffee and another mug.

Ben poured himself a cup and immediately retreated back into the space between the wall and Five, where he sat curled around his coffee seemingly unresponsive to the world around him until he was more awake.

So it took a while for Five to realise that was Ben was waiting for him to speak first, but none of what he could have said seemed to be a good conversation opener. “I didn’t mean to worry you… or anyone,” he eventually admitted begrudgingly. “I didn’t know it was going to feel like something was sewing me shut with a welding rod,” he added smiling but without any joy.

Ben sat as if someone had strung tension wires through his body and pulled them taut, made him rigid and seemingly unable to move, but now he flinched a little. “You’re okay, right?” He asked, visibly needing the confirmation.

“Right as rain,” Five sighed and closed his eyes, but not for long because Ben boxed him uncomfortably in the ribs. If there had been more coffee in his cup it might have spilt and Five wanted to glare, if only for his coffee’s sake but when he saw the expression on Ben’s face he couldn’t. “I wasn’t going to die,” he scoffed, almost defensively.

“You can’t do that,” Ben insisted, his eyes were piercing him.

“Do what?”

“Give me anxiety, you walnut.” There was just enough seriousness in his voice for Five to realise that Ben wasn’t just making brotherly complaints, in spite of how he acted.

“Why?” Five asked carefully. Too careful for his own liking.

“Because.” Ben replied, grumbling something incomprehensible into his coffee.

“Ben,” Five insisted quietly, but firmly. When Ben however didn’t reply Five let his head sink against the bed with a quiet groan. Gathering his strength Five took a deep breath. “Alright,” he muttered and sat up again. “Since my cells don’t do, well… anything as of right now, that means they _also_ don’t heal – I get so much as a paper cut and I’m bleeding until Pogo can make me another one of those genetic welding irons, and one of the many bullets that tried to kill us when the Commission attacked us actually hit its mark…”

With his lips pressed into a thin line Ben studied him intently. Five had the impression that he wanted to hit him again, but instead he only glowered, until anxiousness shadowed his face. “Last time I thought I had anxiety it was a monster surprise alien style birth.”

It took Five a few moments to unravel all those words and make sense of them. He’d never really considered how Ben had died. Of course he’d had his theories but ultimately that was all they had ever been – theories. Good for nothing theories that were of no use unless he wanted to increase his grief. So he’d just stopped wondering about it after a while. After all nothing would come of it.

As slowly as it was humanly possible he swallowed and pressed his lips together. For a moment he stared into his coffee, as if the dark liquid held the words he couldn’t find captive. It was a trade now, whether Ben had meant to make it that or not, it was one ugly truth for another.

Putting his coffee aside Five shifted so that he could show Ben the closed wound. “Here,” he said pulling his shirt up. “Look, it’s all healed up, I’m fine now.”

Carefully Ben brushed his fingers over the new skin and its scarred edges, then nodded like it made sense now, but the look on his face told a different story. “They didn’t give me a scar,” he contemplated and folded one of his arms protectively over his stomach while Five retrieved his coffee. Ben had barely touched his, seemingly content with holding the warm mug alone. He’d only drank as much as needed to keep it from easily spilling.

“You want one?” It was hard to keep the implication of what those words meant out of his tone, but Five managed it miraculously.

At his question Ben’s fingers dug into the fabric of his hoodie, as if meaning to mark the skin underneath. “The last sixteen years of my life feel like a really long blink.” Dissatisfied with the situation Ben let his shoulders sink and he downed half of the coffee in his cup, with his stare fixed on the opposite wall.

“Yeah, I know the feeling,” Five muttered. Hesitantly, because he wasn’t sure if he himself wanted to hear it he heard himself ask, “can you feel them?”

“All the time,” Ben replied quietly and seemed to shrink as he sunk against the wall. Absent-mindedly he kept staring holes into the air. “I can’t really hear them though, it’s really all just a feeling most of the time.”

Five could only wonder what it was like, what it had been like just before the monsters had torn their way out of him. Quietly he gripped Ben’s hand and squeezed it just like he had done with Vanya. Revelling in the brief moment of horror over was Ben’s death simply because that meant there was still something left that was inherently himself.

And Ben squeezed back as if he meant to say that this time everything was going to be alright. Five would have liked to believe that, but it hadn’t even really sunken in yet that everything was over, that the Commission wasn’t waiting around every corner, that the world wasn’t ending and that his family was safe.

As much as he didn’t want to Five managed to make himself let go of Ben’s hand and convinced the other to eat at least a little. Wondering how he should ask what he wanted to as he watched Ben smile about Allison’s pancakes and relish the taste.

Sighing Ben closed his eyes. “God, I’ve missed this,” he muttered with a blissful expression on his face and Five decided that perhaps the question he had could wait.

PRESENT – Later that day in the kitchen

Vanya was standing at the stove, quietly humming a melody she had practised for hours as a child. Violin tunes so familiar that Five could practically hear them faintly in the distance. There were no windows but Five had little trouble imagining Vanya standing in the kitchen of that farmhouse in pale, warm sunlight making something to eat for herself and Harlan, perhaps even Sissy. Perhaps both of them had cooked together.

The melody seemed to come from somewhere so deep within that Vanya half the time didn’t even seem to realise she was humming it. Ben sat on the countertop next to him, occasionally grabbing something from the food that was prepared and joining Vanya for little pieces of her melody.

Since the appearance of the strings and f-holes, Vanya’s voice had grown melodic even when she wasn’t humming. However Five couldn’t say whether she noticed and didn’t care or actually liked it. Or perhaps she was too self-conscious to mention it and thankful that nobody else did.

Ben had spent his time asking holes into her about Dallas, but every moment that she wasn’t talking now Vanya was humming as if she found it impossible be quiet.

Ben was humming along with her and encouraging her to continue when Vanya became too quiet. And admittedly the only reason Five had offered to help them with dinner was that it was one of the few social conventions where holding a knife was allowed, and though he enjoyed doing something calm and quiet with his sister at the edges of his consciousness hung a tattered thread of unease.

As glad as Five was for the absence of the quiet, he couldn’t stand the calm that Ben and Vanya were radiating. It tore at the edges of his mind like a monotonous sound that slowly grew closer. He knew that he still had time, perhaps even the rest of the day before the feeling would grow unbearable and until then he planned on enjoying the time he spent with his siblings without stabbing.

Vanya was talking about something, something about the farm and Harlan, and Sissy in the barn during the evening, both of them slightly tipsy. “I think I want a farm,” she eventually concluded. “Eventually,” she added when she noticed Five’s questioning glance, but there was a smile playing around her lips. Faint and soft, like she always did. “What do you want to do?” She asked and when he didn’t answer she gently elbowed him in the side

Staring at the knife and vegetables Five couldn’t think of a single thing. Not even a what-if. “I don’t know,” he wanted to say but the words wouldn’t come out. Faintly the urge to rebel against the calm reared its head, because even buried this deep its need was unmistakable. Carnage. – Carnage, however, Five decided, was a quite terrible plan for his future. But the only other voice he could find in his head, was the one reminding him that he was stuck for God knew how long with this thirteen-year-old body.

Ben, who was struggling to sit still made a thoughtful face. “Can we visit you?”

Vanya responded with quiet musical laughter. “Of course you can,” she responded, glancing first at Ben then at Five.

“Then I wanna do that,” Ben replied in his stead. Five could feel the corners of his mouth lifting ever so slightly. “And I want to move out of this gloomy house, and live with three dogs and five cats, read all the books I couldn’t, sleep all day and finally have control over the TV remote,” Ben groaned. “I want to eat – everything, you know what it’s like to watch Klaus eat for sixteen years? It made me glad I was a ghost…”

Ben’s enthusiastic approach made the corners of his mouth quirk up. “I think I still need time to decide…” Five responded. It was all he could say without explaining why that was the case. But he tried for a smile when Ben squeezed his shoulder. “I spent so much time focused on getting back here, I didn’t stop to think what I would do when I made it,” he admitted a little thoughtfully.

His words brought Vanya’s melody to a sudden halt. “You didn’t make plans during all those years alone?” Her voice was quiet and almost incredulous.

“Of course, I did…” Five replied with sudden exasperation and a little defensive. He’d spent years doing nothing else, but eventually, piece by piece, those thoughts had become replaced with the focus on getting back. The shift had been so gradual that Five hadn’t notice, one day all that had been left had been formulas and numbers and letters and the certainty that they would bring him back one day. “I just…” Five shrugged. He could feel Vanya’s quizzical gaze studying him.

Lowering his gaze Ben lightly thumped his boots against the cupboard below. “It’s just… kind of… nothing’s tangible.”

“Tangible?” Vanya asked.

“It’s all in your head, so of course you have plans, but it’s too much at once to know what to do with it once you get the chance,” – Five saw him smile from the corner of his eye, when Ben said – “just like with your powers, V.”

That was something that Vanya obviously understood, still she asked Ben, “so how come you had an answer?”

“I got six months to tramp across the country with more money than any sixteen-year-old should ever have in their possession, I was like a kid in the candy store, I got a few things crossed off my bucket list,” Ben said with a mischievous little grin.

PRESENT – About seven months after Dallas

Since his wound had healed better than expected Pogo had set to work on creating a serum that would over time hopefully turn Luther back into his old self. Although Five had little hope of total success, and success soon.

Their chances were as reasonable as jumping through time and expecting not to turn up in his thirteen-year-old body. Which meant that it wasn’t impossible but there was a huge chance of some minor detail fucking up the end result beyond measure.

Although turning Luther thirteen again perhaps wasn’t the worst of outcomes. However, it was quite ironic and quite ballsy of the Commission to turn up on their doorstep on the very same day that Pogo gave Luther the first shot of the serum.

They had agreed to not reverse the change all at once in case his body reacted negatively. So instead Luther was going to be shrunken back to his original size little by little, and if it worked there was no reason to hide it from the others anymore either.

“Mr… Sir… Fish said he wanted to talk to you,” Luther managed, visibly still processing what was going on. And why a Shubunkin in a glass dome attached to an otherwise human body, kindly demanded to see his brother.

“Carmichael, A.J. Carmichael,” he introduced himself with trained patience. Five had to admit that he hadn’t expected to see him again. It was nothing short of a miracle that The Handler hadn’t had him for breakfast.

Before Luther could say anything else Five raised his hand to silence him. “It’s okay we know each other.” Yet he sized up Carmichael coolly, warming up only a little when recognised Herb and Dot and with that his visit as friendly. “My my, that’s quite the visiting commission,” he said with a mild smile, “am I getting my pension after all?” That was of course a rhetoric question. Unless perhaps the whole ordeal involved a formal apology from all current leading members of the Commission, in which case Five decided that he was going to be honoured by their little committee.

With Luther present, the five of them pretty much took up all the space in his childhood bedroom. Which wasn’t where Five would have chosen to welcome them but it was where Luther had lead them and since Five didn’t want them to stay any longer than needed he saw no need to lead them elsewhere. It was take it or leave it.

Briefly it crossed his mind that perhaps he shouldn’t have skipped laundry day and raided Vanya’s closet instead, but now they would all have to live with the school skirt instead of shorts.

Herb like always looked a little nervous but excited. He was good at his job, always had been but for Five’s taste he had too much respect for authority to be in a commanding position. Dot at his side kept a friendly smile on her lips, only Carmichael’s expression was largely unreadable being that of a fish. However, Five could tell from his posture that he was only mildly cautious of him in this moment and likely more concerned about getting this informal meeting over with.

With a quiet glance Five made a gaping, awkward Luther leave, but didn’t wait until he was gone before he continued. “Really sorry about that… board meeting…” Five pressed his lips together. “Wasn’t personal, the whole bloodshed and everything…”

“You could make up for it by helping us pick a new board,” Carmichael replied and though it was hard to express being a fish, his voice and the way he moved up and down in his dome indicated that he was sizing him up in this moment.

Five made a pondering sound. He wasn’t entirely against it the notion but all in all he preferred to stay out of Commission business if he had the option. They hadn’t brought a single good thing into his life.

“It’s water under the bridge,” Carmichael assured him with a sigh, while Herb and Dot joined in with their agreement.

Nonchalantly Five shrugged. “Then what do I owe such high-profile visitors.” Herb smiled, kind and approachable, exactly the kind of thing the Commission was in dire need of after The Handler’s unprompted resignation. He hadn’t bothered to find out whether she had survived or not, but given the Commission’s resources, it wasn’t unlikely that she was still alive. If only as an emergency option. Five definitely didn’t want to go check on her. He’d rather put another bullet in her head.

“We’re here to make you an offer,” Herb said. He and Dot were beaming, which immediately made the whole situation much more suspicious to Five.

“Well,” Dot began, bestowing a content and mildly proud smile onto him, “with The Handler out of commission–”

“–not that we would consider employing her again,” Herb assured him.

“Her position has to be filled,” Dot finished the statement.

Carmichael added, “we’ll give her a premature pension, it’s all we can do given the… circumstances.”

“Hm,” Five made a thoughtful face, feeling oddly pleased with the situation. “So you want me to recommend you someone to fill her position,” he stated. It was not only reasonable but perhaps the only decision he wanted to make at the Commission.

“No, we want you,” Herb replied.

If Five had held a drink he would have either spat it out now or dropped it, but instead, he could only stare blankly at Herb’s expression quietly reassuring him that he meant what he’d said. Beside him Dot showed her teeth and smiled a toothpaste-commercial-smile, while quickly nodding to reaffirm Herb’s words. As his glance wandered over to Carmichael Five thought that it was the first time he had ever seen the emotion of resignation on a fish. Everything about him had caved to what Herb and Dot obviously thought was the suggestion of the century.

Before he’d even thought it through, because he had no intention of accepting the position, Five deadpanned, “only if I get to work from home and if I don’t have to be terminally delightful.”

The confusion on Herb’s and Dot’s faces was evident before they looked for approval from Carmichael.

Something for which Five didn’t have a name shadowed Carmichael’s body language. It almost looked like concern, a dawning realisation before the resignation took over again. “That can be arranged,” he replied matter-of-factly. “Your physical presence is no absolute requirement given,” Carmichael gestured towards Five, “your abilities.”

Five really wanted a drink now. He hadn’t wanted them to take him seriously he realised now. That was why he’d answered so unthinkingly and suggested what they wouldn’t accommodate in a million years because it was the Commission who couldn’t allow its workers to exist outside of its headquarters for anything other than their jobs.

And yet here stood A. J. Carmichael and offered the previously unthinkable. All of Five’s instincts were revolting against the curiosity that urged him on. “You would do that?” He questioned, half curious, half cautious, but damned if he didn’t find out.

Carmichael shrugged, he made a sound that made it seem like he grinned and it was full irony, but somehow not in relation to Five’s question. He would have asked what that was about, but Five decided to shelve that for a later date. “If you can provide secure storage.”

For what he didn’t need to say. Obviously, the Commission couldn’t risk its work becoming known to the public so whatever he had to take home, Five would have to make sure that it stayed out of reach of anyone and everyone, including his siblings. In the back of Five’s mind, a little voice pondered whether repurposing his father’s office might be a good idea for that.

Briefly, he wanted to ask what the Board had the say about that and whether they needed to vote on that before he remembered that there wasn’t a Board anymore. “Of course,” Five muttered in response. It wasn’t an agreement but Carmichael was obviously aware of that so he didn’t bother to clarify the matter for Herb and Dot.

Knitting his brows together Five focused his stare on the ground as he shifted his weight. Whether he agreed or not, at this rate the Commission would likely make him a new body. One that would age, perhaps even one that inherited his powers – Five wasn’t sure how that would work, but it didn’t matter either because as soon as he considered it the thought turned his stomach over and he had to swallow hard to keep the bile down.

“What if I don’t agree?”

With The Handler – he honestly couldn’t think of her as anything else – there had always been a catch to everything and right now everything felt too good to be true.

“Honourable discharge, your pension, the whole nine yards,” Carmichael answered.

Five scoffed quietly. “What’s the catch?”

Carmichael made a little sound that indicated a dry grin and something very ironic about the whole situation, despite the fact that he tried to hide it. “There won’t be one,” he said and Five knew that he meant it, despite the weird shift in his voice. And in that moment Five understood that while there was no guarantee for anything, he knew that Carmichael wasn’t the one to screw him over if it came to that. And that, Five realised, was enough. He breathed a shoulder-heaving sigh.

“Alright,” he said quietly after a long moment of silence, and lifted his gaze towards Carmichael, before briefly glancing at Herb and Dot. This wasn’t so much an agreement with them as with Carmichael and his old self, which perhaps was why it felt so surreal. And though Five had heard himself speak he felt like a third party watching himself make the agreement.

He didn’t want anything to do with the Commission, yet all Five could do was stare holes into Carmichael wondering if his father still had some Vodka in his office or if his Klaus had already gotten his hands on it years ago.

“Fantastic!” – “Wonderful!” Herb and Dot cut each other short in their overjoyed relief, making Five immediately regret his decision. And he had almost revoked it if it weren’t for Carmichael – there was something about the way he looked at him that made Five paused just after opening his mouth. With words unspoken stuck in his throat Five studied the other almost sternly.

All Five managed to get out in the end was a little sigh. He made an undetermined gesture. “Do I have to come with you immediately, or can you sort this out among yourselves?”

In response Herb dug a contract out of the briefcase he’d brought.

Without a word Five took it and made himself comfortable on the edge of his bed, where he read it under Carmichael’s watchful eyes, while Herb and Dot awaited his signature with apprehension.

When he finally looked up, Carmichael was already holding out a pen. He hadn’t said a word since Five had agreed but he really didn’t seem all that opposed now that it was happening. “Can I ask you a question?” Five asked as he took the pen. It was black with golden adornments and lay comfortably in his hand.

“Sure.”

Five nodded appreciatively. “Why?” There was nothing in the contract that was worse than the pacts he’d made with The Handler –she certainly must have had a name before that, he wondered what it might have been – or his previous one and quite frankly he had to admit that they were being quite generous.

To his surprise Carmichael pointedly glanced at Herb, who promptly cleared his throat and spoke. “Mr Five with your record and your accomplishments it is the least we can offer for a return, but to be quite honest I think we would all feel more comfortable to have someone at the helm who understands our work – your talent for our work is unquestioned, but you understand what it’s like.”

A faint smile crossed Five’s face. That was just like Herb, and while he couldn’t see a fault in that way of thinking after everything the Commission had gone through in such a short time, Five had wanted to hear his answer from Carmichael.

He seemed to be aware of that. “The position was tailored for someone like you,” he simply said, but his posture and those little fish eyes said that the safety of Five’s family was a small accommodation to make if only it meant the position was filled by someone reasonable.

Five wasn’t sure what could be described as reasonable but he could live with that. With a smile he handed the contract and pen back. “I’ll sign it when you’ve added my requests.”

It took them less than five minutes to return with the edited contract. Five wished they would have taken longer.

**

Although the decision had made itself almost on its own Five couldn’t help the nervous flutter he felt as he stood in his father’s office. He would have pronounced it untouched if it weren’t for the obvious signs of someone looting the desk and alcohol cabinet – probably Klaus, and maybe Allison.

As children they had only ever stood in the doorway as the office had been forbidden unless express permission to enter had been given, and even then, entering had felt like something they shouldn’t do.

Faintly Five remembered the first time he’d been called inside. He couldn’t remember what his father had spoken about with him, but Five distinctly remembered the suffocating anxiety this room had caused him. Somehow his father had managed to make paying attention in this room worse than his disinterest.

With a deep breath Five gathered himself and went for the alcohol cabinet. He’d come here to clean the place but he needed a drink more than he needed a tidy desk right now. Plopping himself into the old chair Five opened the bottle without looking what it was and drank while he gazed around the office. It was in some way the only room in this house befitting his new job, but this was about more than that. It was about reclaiming their father’s space. Leisurely Five began to examine the desk and its contents. This was something he wanted to savour for curiosity’s sake, although the truth was much closer to past anxiety forbidding him to rush this.

Five had gathered empty boxes from around the house and packed half the desk and even more from the surrounding shelves into it. Not everything needed to be discarded but if the office was meant to be his it had to feel like his at least somewhat, and that meant most of his father’s books and memorabilia had to go.

“What are you doing?”

Distracted by his thoughts Five turned toward Ben’s familiar voice. Seeing him stand in the doorway felt just as surreal as the job offer he’d accepted. “I…” Five’s mouth hung open for a moment as he thought about how to continue that sentence, while he watched Ben wade through the labyrinth of boxes on the floor. (Their father didn’t have any moving boxes or similar things so Five had been forced to make do with whatever he could get his hands on).

“I?” Ben questioned, a little smile on his lips that turned mildly sour when he saw the vodka on the desk.

“I’m gonna be the new Handler,” Five stated, trying to make it as matter-of-factly as he could. Hoping that it might help him get comfortable with saying it. He glanced at Ben, realising that the other had no clue who or what that was, which didn’t help with the fact that just saying it made Five feel like the world had been turned upside down. With a resigning sigh Five gestured at the desk. “Want a drink?”

Ben thought about that for a moment, as if he had to weigh his physical age against his mental age, before he even seemed to consider why Five offered in the first place. “Sure.”

As Ben made himself comfortable on the desk Five sank into the office chair again. For a brief moment Ben picked up the bottle next to him to examine it before he sniffed it and took a swig and then handing it over to Five.

“What’s a Handler?”

“ _The_ Handler’s a bitch. _A_ Handler’s me,” Five clarified. “She’s the one who picked me up after I got stuck in the apocalypse for forty-five years, recruited me for the Commission when anything would have seemed like a good idea…” He drank and handed the bottle back to Ben before continuing. “She was the one who sent Hazel and Cha Cha and the others – not the Swedes, but the guys at the diner…” Five paused and quietly sighed, he stretched out his legs and rested them on the desk. “She’s the one who gave me the suitcase that was supposed to get us out of the sixties,” he closed his eyes, forcing the images of the dead board members out of his mind, “she’s…” Five couldn’t finish the sentence. An empty smile showed on his face and he was glad when Ben handed him the vodka again. “Her job at the Commission was to oversee the execution of the kill orders, to send out agents, make sure they did their job... That stuff. She was also in charge of making sure we got the right kill orders.”

“Your boss,” Ben concluded matter-of-factly.

“Manipulative bitch,” Five muttered in agreement. “She used Lila. Tried to kill us all at the barn just before we got back.” Five scoffed. “But all of the Commission’s agents weren’t enough…” There was a little pride in his voice. “I killed her instead, at least… I thought I did.” He thought he should have asked what exactly had happened to her, but Five knew that the answer would have kept him from signing the contract and though he would prefer a Commission free life a terrible little part of him revelled in the idea of filling in her shoes.

“Does that mean you’re going to leave?” Worry resonated through Ben’s voice.

“I’m going to work here – I can’t believe they agreed.” And knowing the Commission it spoke more for their desperation than their willingness to compromise.

Ben studied him for a moment, but when he’d judged to his own content that Five was telling the truth he visibly relaxed.

“I’m not going to disappear again,” he said, which was almost the same as _I’m not going to leave you alone this time_ , which was what Five actually meant.

And though Ben awkwardly turned the bottle in his hands and avoided looking at him Five saw him nod. When he finally spoke again what he asked was, “what’s that?”

“What’s what?”

“That,” Ben said, poking his warm finger into Five’s leg. The fact that it was enough to send an electric jolt through him was downright vile of his body.

Five squinted at the black scribbles on his leg underneath Ben’s finger, that barely poked out over the edge of his sock and groaned in defeat. “Spite and regret at this point,” he admitted and toed his shoes off, somehow managing to toss them over the desk. Staring at the smidge of ink on his leg Five wiggled his toes. Lifting his leg onto Ben’s lap he said, “here, see for yourself.”

With half-closed eyes Five watched as Ben – more curious than anything – pulled down his sock, the brushing touch of his fingers was as electrifying as before and for the length of about ten blissful seconds Five had forgotten that he was perpetually thirteen, including this given moment. All that existed was the warmth of Ben’s hands on his leg and the thought of what they would feel like on the rest of his body.

His body stiffened involuntarily when reality came back to him, and though the alcohol made it harder than necessary Five forced himself to organise his thoughts while Ben obviously amused examined his mishaps with the tattoo gun he’d found in the apocalypse.

A slightly tipsy giggle left Ben’s throat. “That’s so dumb. I love it.”

Five bit his lip and pressed them together before they could form a smile.

“Your drawing skills are terrible,” Ben added grinning and grabbed Five’s other leg.

Instinctively Five withdrew it in an attempt to pull the sock off with his toes because he was too lazy to move, but he had to stop halfway because he wasn’t getting anywhere and the sight of Ben was quite frankly distracting in the worst possible way. He hadn’t taken his eyes off Ben since… Five couldn’t even say since when, but he knew that Vanya’s skirt didn’t help his case, so he let Ben do the rest while he sunk a little deeper into the chair glad when Ben handed him the bottle again. Hoping that the alcohol would purge his mind of the thoughts that would only bring him trouble right now and though Ben seemed more amused than anything by the discovery he wasn’t making it easy with the way his fingers trailed the tattoos in an attempt to figure out the drawings.

Absorbed in his thoughts Five didn’t realise that the door opened. It was only when Allison audibly took a breath that he realised they weren’t alone anymore.

“Am I on drugs?” Klaus, who had accompanied her, asked her with serious concern about his own mental state.

“No...” Allison managed slowly. Unless she was too, that was the implication her voice held.

“Did you draw on your legs with Sharpie?” Luther added visibly confused by what he was seeing. After their small commotion had drawn his attention.

Ben snorted and shook his head, which was when it dawned on Klaus whose face briefly lit up at the realisation that little impulse control and no supervision had resulted in Five taking a tattoo gun to his legs during his years in the apocalypse. With a bewildered smile Klaus wandered through the boxes cluttering the floor and peered over the desk to get a better look. Luther and Allison were following in close succession.

“Is that Vanya’s skirt?”

“Yep, didn’t wanna do laundry,” Five replied matter-of-factly and Klaus nodded with just as much approval as understanding.

Allison’s heels clicked as she stalked across the room, meaning to collect Klaus but instead she suppressed a half-desperate groan and leaned her hand against the side of her face to shield herself from what she’d just seen.

Soon after, Luther showed up at her side.

Five summoned a smile to his face and raised his hand to wave at the three of them. That Allison looked positively tormented at the sight of him and Luther at least slightly uncomfortable was fuelling him. As if they had smelt the commotion Diego and Vanya trailed in after them. And while Diego seemingly tried to figure out what he had walked in on Vanya simply stood there, her face scrunched up in mild anguish.

“You know,” Allison said, still looking away and shielding her face, “I think it’s that seeing anything more of your legs than that little bit of skin between your shorts and your socks is just fundamentally wrong.” Around her murmurs of agreement arose, while someone added that the skirt was making it worse. It sounded like Diego judging by the tone and the voice.

With a sigh Allison straightened herself. “I’m just going to turn around and… you will put your socks back on,” she said while already turning her back to him. “We’re _all_ just going to turn around,” she added sternly and Five watched in wondrous delight as everyone else followed her words.

“I’m forty-three years older than you,” Five reminded her.

“You _look_ thirteen and you’re upsetting my motherly instincts.”

“Understandable, excused. The rest of you are cowards.”

As she had spoken Ben had already picked up Five’s socks with his tentacles, examining them as if trying to figure out which went on which foot as if that truly mattered.

“Not moving,” Five announced, partially because he hoped that Ben would also put his socks back on, but mostly because he couldn’t care less what his siblings thought. For all that he was concerned, they might as well just leave and leave him to his demise.

Ben took one of the socks from his tentacles and pulled it over Five’s foot, while he leaned away dramatically like a drunken demure Victorian.

“Ben.”

“Nooo, I caaan’t,” Ben announced as firmly as he possibly could in his state, but failing at suppressing the grin on his face that immediately gave away the farce.

Promptly Five shoved his foot in Ben’s face. “You’ve seen me naked, you dick, stop acting like my ankles are the most scandalising thing under the sun,” he complained while Ben started giggling.

“No. Can’t,” he tried to insist. “That was like… sixteen years ago!”

“Forty-five! And it didn’t turn me squeamish.”

Apparently, that confused Diego and Luther because they were trying to figure out the numbers in quiet whispers.

Klaus only sighed heavily. “They were thirteen, we were all thirteen,” he muttered.

“Was bath time obviously,” Ben immediately explained with a nod that was meant to silence Five. By now he had managed to get one of the socks on, and when Five opened his mouth anyway he focused his gaze as sternly as he was capable of in that moment on him.

Five didn’t really get why he was supposed to be silent now, but he succumbed to Ben’s stare and wiggled his naked foot. Obediently Ben dressed that one as well. This time with only mildly less of a show, in response to which Five groaned and sunk deeper into his father’s chair.

The moment both of his socks were on his feet Five jumped to make himself stand upright in the chair as he loudly announced, “I’m decent!” His siblings responded with groans and sighs, but they did turn around.

Allison looked downright relieved. “What are you doing?” She asked.

“And why,” Klaus gasped in mock offence, “are you letting a sixteen-year-old _child_ drink hard liquor?” The sheer disbelief in his voice that was close to tears made Five think that Klaus should have been allowed to take acting classes. It probably would have been a lot of fun for him.

Before he could answer however Ben had already put his arms on his hips and stared Klaus down full of disapproval. “Klaus I’m fucking thirty-four.”

Dumbfound Klaus stared at him.

“You are thirty-four, I’ve lived with you for eighteen years and I’ve been wanting to get a drink in for thirty-three of them.”

Immediately Five nodded. “What he said.”

“So, what are you doing here?” Luther and Vanya asked because Five had elected to previously ignore that question.

“The new Handler works from home and needs an office,” Five announced pragmatically and watched as glances and quiet, short explanations were exchanged.

Diego apparently took offence to that. “You offered them dad’s office??”

“No, you’re looking at him,” Ben promptly replied with a grin.

PRESENT – Almost four weeks after the Commission visited

Luther had shrunken by almost a whole jacket size, which nobody except Luther had really noticed, but it made him giddy which was strangely adorable and Five hadn’t been able to keep a faint smile from his lips when he’d told him. He wished he could share Luther’s positive outlook on the situation, but whether Luther ended up looking more human or not didn’t change the fact that he’d grown up and if it didn’t work on him he wouldn’t lose that, but Five would still be stuck in the body of a thirteen-year-old boy.

Stepping through time was too precarious of a matter, and asking the Commission bore too many risks he didn’t want to take. So if there was even the smallest of chances that Pogo could solve that problem for him… Five would take it regardless of his doubts.

“That’s great, big guy,” Five said, patting Luther’s arm. “But I’ve got a meeting in fifteen minutes, so if you’ll excuse me.”

“Sure,” Luther said, as Five passed him. “Five?”

“Hm?” Five stopped and turned his head.

“It’ll work,” Luther assured him, putting on his best serious face. “I have a good feeling about this… for what it’s worth anyway...”

“Thanks…” Five replied, trying for a small smile. He could tell that Luther simply wanted to assure him, but it wasn’t enough. Nothing would be enough until it worked and he wouldn’t have had to ask the Commission for a new body instead. Luther’s big hand patted his shoulder. Five sighed. “Don’t worry about me,” he grimaced as he spoke, “but I’m not getting my hopes up until I don’t require a chemical soldering iron anymore to sew myself shut.”

“At least we found a way to do that,” Luther muttered, but couldn’t quite make it uplifting when he seemed to remember how much the process had hurt him.

“I’d like to never do that again,” Five said with a shake of his head, despite the fact that Luther was right. If it weren’t for that first shot he would still have to walk around with an open wound on his back. – There were a lot of things that he could grin and bear, but this wasn’t one of them.

Luther nodded, pressing his lips together and let him go.

Five jumped. Ever since his wound had been closed it wasn’t any more taxing than it had been before and he’d easily fallen back into old habits.

Redecorating their father’s office had become more of a team effort than Five had initially planned, which meant that Ben had brought some of his old books, Allison several plants in varying shapes and sizes and Vanya one of her old music stands and quite the stack of music books, while Diego had contributed to the installation of a weapon rack and its contents, and Luther had contributed pictures and research from space. Klaus, in turn, had helped stock the alcohol cabinet while firmly and determinedly stating that he wouldn’t drink any of that but that he wanted Five to have a decent collection. Klaus had also contributed Allison’s feather boa. And Five kept the doors slightly ajar because he’d silently promised himself that they would always be open now.

Nobody should ever hesitate before entering again. All he’d ask for was a knock.

Pogo had smiled slightly when he’d asked him about it and Five had explained his sentiment, visibly pleased with the change.

With a sigh Five let his shoulders sink as he made his way towards the desk. “Ben,” he warned, “out of my chair.”

“Nope,” Ben replied simply and boldly.

“ _Ben_ ,” Five insisted as he made his way across the room. “Don’t test me today.”

Still, Ben didn’t move, instead he turned the chair and opened his arms invitingly.

“Ben, I can’t hold a meeting sitting on your lap.”

“Just come here.” Now it was Ben’s turn to insist.

Five closed his eyes. They hadn’t exactly talked about it, but they had their moments where everything just seemed as it used to or it simply didn’t matter that like a vampire turned too young Five was stuck in a body that wouldn’t age. Just like now. And it felt as if Ben could tell just from looking at him whenever it weighed on his mind.

As he opened his eyes again one of Ben’s tentacles carefully slithered around his waist and tugged firmly.

Not now, Five wanted to say but instead followed the pull and allowed Ben to sort him onto his lap. As soon as he was close enough he grabbed Ben’s face, sternly staring into his eyes while Ben only blinked innocently. His years with Klaus evidently had rubbed off on him. “We talk about this once I’m done here,” he warned and blindly reach for the laptop to flip it open.

Ben’s arms wrapped around him while Five forced himself to focus on his laptop and starting the meeting. Confused faces welcomed him the other Commission members recognised Ben who smiled sweetly into the camera and waved.

“The only thing keeping you safe from _me_ ,” Five stated with a grim smile that almost would have turned into an honest one if he hadn’t caught himself because he caught Ben’s image in the webcam as he nodded with the most serious expression he could muster.

Murmurs and glances were exchanged before a slow, cautious nod made its round. The Commission employees evidently knew what was good for them.

**

Rubbing his face Five closed the laptop to get a moment of peace. “Let me go,” he quietly ordered Ben, who had only made himself more comfortable in the chair throughout the meeting. Which was the opposite of what Five had wanted.

“Jump,” Ben simply stated with too much confidence in the fact that he wouldn’t for Five’s liking.

For a split second, Five wanted to force the jump but instead he turned around and uncomfortably grabbed Ben’s face again. “Listen to me, this, right here”, he gestured at them, “is a terrible idea, and I’m not talking terrible in the way that its terrible for Luther and Allison because the law doesn’t allow us to be unadopted, so even though nobody horribly fucking up our gene pool they’re still considered brother and sister on all legal accounts, but they’re grown-ups, and that’s something I most likely will never get to be again.”

Ben’s tentacles prodded at his hand, but Five only loosened his grip enough to let him speak. “Can’t you ask the Commission, they fu–”

“ _Over my dead body_ ,” Five hissed. 

“That’s not fair,” Ben simply stated. The tone in his voice made Five swallow. “It isn’t and you _know_ that, I never got a say in anything with Klaus because I was a fucking ghost – so you don’t get to do this now.”

This time Five wouldn’t have needed to force the jump but he couldn’t pull through with it when Ben grabbed his arms and forced him to hold them still, effectively forcing Five to let go of his face. And though Ben didn’t say it the message was clear, he wanted him to stay.

Of course it wasn’t fair, none of it was fair, Five thought evading Ben’s gaze. “This isn’t something you can fix by getting a vote,” Five breathed with closed eyes. But when he opened them again Ben was still there. “Don’t make this worse than it already is.” It was _almost_ a plea. Five swallowed quietly when Ben’s grip loosened and he squeezed his hands before Ben firmly placed his own hands-on Five’s face. His warm palms pressed against his cheeks made it even harder to pretend that he wasn’t so agonisingly close. “Ben. Don’t.”

But Ben didn’t let go, instead he smoothed the skin under his fingers and let them crawl through Five’s hair. “It’s going to be okay,” Ben said, quietly and firmly, just like he’d learnt it from Five. “Everything’s going to be fine.”

And he wanted to believe that. He wanted to believe that like nothing else in the world. But just because it was Ben saying it instead of Luther didn’t mean the doubt disappeared.

“I don’t know what makes you think that it won’t, but I have faith in Pogo and I know that you won’t give up because if the apocalypse couldn’t make you give up, nothing can,” Ben continued so sure of his words that Five could hardly not believe them.

“That’s different,” Five muttered, forcing his eyes to bore a hole into Ben’s chest. Faintly Five could feel the buzz of the familiar hum, low and steady at the edge of his consciousness that threatened to drown out all reasonable thought if he didn’t ignore it. “No, actually it’s just as much of a crap-shoot as time travel… maybe even more…”

“Why?” Ben asked, carefully examining Five’s face.

“Luther… I… the alterations done to our DNA might be too great to have any long-term effect.” He could see that Ben wanted to ask what precisely he meant by that, but instead Ben simply smoothed his thumbs over his cheeks and sighed. Keeping his eyes fixed on Ben’s hoodie Five managed to continue. “If we don’t have enough in common, Luther’s body is going to reject Pogo’s serum, and just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean… with all the Commission did to me it could take months before it shows.” Especially since they worked in stages. Too much time had to pass for them to be absolutely sure.

“Breathe,” Ben instructed matter-of-factly, and when Five only knitted his brows together in question he repeated himself. “Breathe,” Ben insisted.

Five did so with a heavy sigh. “And?” He asked, realising that Ben was using his own tactics on him. A quiet groan escaped him. “I hate you.”

“No, no, you love me,” Ben decided with a smug face.

Five groaned louder and let his head sink against Ben’s chest. “You’re a mean little shit and I hate you,” he announced stubbornly while his insides knotted together.

Wrapping his arms around him, tentacles included Ben hugged him close and almost a little too hard, but Five didn’t say anything. If anything the firm hug helped him remain grounded.

Into the dark of Ben’s arms Five quietly admitted, “I _can’t_ say that – not right now.”

“I know,” Ben said and squeezed him a little tighter.

**

Diego didn’t knock, but it wasn’t office hours so Five let it slide. It was one of the few rules he’d set and to be quite honest they were more for the sake of the Commission than himself or his siblings. He hadn’t moved from his spot on Ben’s lap unless it was absolutely necessary, although Five had given himself several reminders throughout the day to do exactly that and kick Ben out, but he simply hadn’t been able to bring himself to do it. But if Diego had any opinion on what he saw he didn’t voice it.

Shortly after him, Klaus trailed into the office, visibly pleased with the fact that entering wasn’t an unspoken felony anymore, while Diego already pulled up one of the six chairs they had carried in some weeks prior from all around the house and sat down at the other end of the desk. “Five, I’ve had an idea.”

“Brilliant, I didn’t know you were capable of that,” Five replied. “What is it?” He asked while Klaus also pulled a chair up and promptly plopped himself into it with his legs across one of the armrests and in ideal rage for bothering Diego.

“You, taking over for The Handler, following in her footsteps, it got me thinking,” he leaned forward, almost conspiratorially in his demeanour, “you have access to the Infinite Switchboard, right?”

Trying to figure out what his brother was getting at Five studied him with a little furrow on his forehead and mild confusion. “I don’t fully know how to operate it, I don’t _have_ to,” he admitted, “but _yes_ – _fundamentally_ speaking I have access.” After all, it was his job to know the course that time had to take. “Why?” He asked, also leaning forward so he could study Diego’s expression up close and would have it easier deciding whether his brother was being a complete and utter idiot and wanted to risk his job or if his idea was truly worth listening to.

Apparently not wanting to be excluded Klaus leaned in as well.

“We can find out who the bitches are that sold us to dad,” Diego said with a sly grin, evidently proud of himself for having thought of that.

Klaus sighed. “Dee, I’m sure some of them were very nice but desperate ladies.”

“I hope my mum was nice,” Ben muttered into Five’s shoulder, only loud enough for him to hear. Out of habit Five squeezed his hand.

“Diego,” Five sighed, “I can’t just do that.”

“Aw, c’mon man,” Diego complained and threw his hands up. “Aren’t you just a little curious?”

Curious wasn’t the problem, but this time the lives of his family weren’t on the line and Carmichael would have his head or at least seize his title if he simply did what he wanted. Discontentedly Five sighed and leaned back against Ben, shifting so he could prop his legs up on the chair’s arm just like Klaus. “Fine, but we’ll do it the official way and you’ll have to wait until I tell you we can go.”

Diego groaned. “Since when are you a stickler for rules?”

“He won’t say no.”

“What makes you so sure of that?” Klaus questioned.

Five simply smiled.

**

Carmichael didn’t look half as exasperated as Five had expected, but he had that same wary look about him as when Herb and Dot had proposed his new job to him. And something about that wariness set Five instinctively on edge. It was like Carmichael knew something nobody else in the room was aware of. Yet he spoke kindly when he agreed to Five’s demand, because even though he’d asked that was exactly what it was.

“I know you would do it anyway,” Carmichael admitted and studied Five, “I’m happy that you asked.”

Five pulled his mouth into a long line and shrugged. “You offered me a hand, even though I tried to kill you, anything less would be rude.”

A dry laugh escaped Carmichael’s throat. “If I took that personal after what we did to you, I would be a terrible director, wouldn’t I? You only did what you were made to do.”

Almost on his own Five’s mouth pressed itself into a thin, white line, while he focused on his breathing and ignored the hum that now sounded dangerously close. With a heavy breath that even heaved his shoulders up Five regarded Carmichael. “So we have your permission?”

The glass-dome-head bobbed up and down. Carmichael even moved his little fish head in unison with it. “If you wait a moment, I’ll set up a written authorisation.”

Appreciatively Five regarded him with a small smile. “Thanks.”

Within a few minutes, Carmichael had typed out the document, stamped and signed it, but when he handed it to him Five thought that he could see dread on that little fish face for a moment and tension wiring itself through the shoulders of his body.

**

Diego had made the mistake of repeating his phrasing about their mothers in front of Allison which had promptly earned him a slap on the head, while Herb watched with concern and Five had to assure him that everything was perfectly normal and that he could proceed.

All seven of them had crammed themselves into the control room with varying degrees of comfort and uncertainty about the situation.

“Every other woman gets nine months, _nine whole months_ to prepare, our mothers didn’t even get an hour,” Allison chided. She had previously kept her arms on her hips but audibly clapped her hands together, “ _boom_ baby bump,” she clapped her hands again, “ _boom_ labour – they were confused and scared!”

“And they still sold us to our good for nothing dad,” Diego retorted. “Greedy, money-hungry beasts,” he grumbled.

Five let his face sink into his hand. “Diego you’re allowed to have both Grace and your birth mother, it’s not an either-or.” But Diego only kept growling unhappily and sunk into his chair.

“So erm,” Herb cleared his throat, “who would like to begin?” He said, looking at them expectantly.

In surprising unison Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus, Five and Vanya and uttered, “Ben!” Who looked surprised and pointed at himself in answer to which everyone nodded. They hadn’t agreed on anything before coming here, it had simply seemed like the right thing, to let Ben start.

“If that’s alright with you,” Vanya clarified, “but we all think you deserve to know first.”

A nervous little smile fluttered over Ben’s face before he took a deep breath and nodded at Herb while attempting to look as sure of himself as he could.

“October 1st, 1989… pivotal point Reginald Hargreeves,” Herb muttered as he plugged wires and in and out and turned the knobs on the switchboard until it sputtered out images through which he flipped with practised speed while muttering quiet comments to himself. Within seconds he’d found what he had been looking for pointed Ben towards the screen. Korea, the label in the lower right of the screen read and then the name of a city none of them could make heads or tails off.

A young woman in her mid-twenties with long hair, which she had tied up with practice and ease, browsing the aisles of a store. She had a grocery basket half-filled with produce and packaged items, hooked into the curve of her left arm, and a shopping list in her other hand. Although she spared it no glance and simply browsed the shelves as if something had caught her eye, or she had remembered something that wasn’t on it but couldn’t decide whether it was worth adding now or not.

They couldn’t see her face, but her clothes suggested she worked in an office for a company where heels and skirts were expected as part of a formal appearance.

What came after seemed to happen too fast and all at once. One moment she was browsing shelves, the next she had a nine-months baby bump, the basket tumbled to the floor and the shopping list crumpled in her hand. Without warning, she’d been subjected to labour, as a small crowd of concerned shoppers and employees gathered around her to help as much as redirect curious bystanders in a situation none of them could have prepared for.

It was the first time that they saw her face too, but it was hard to say anything about it in that moment. The images moved faster, as Herb fast-forwarded to the moment Ben’s mother gathered herself off the floor, still a little wobbly on her legs and someone handed her the tiny bundle. With confusion she smiled at the baby, seemingly unaware of the people around her who were busy cleaning up the mess the birth had left behind.

She had the same eyes and mouth as Ben, Five noticed without trying. For a long moment she stared at the baby and weighed him in her arms, still trying to process what had happened. Then, as if a switch in her brain had flipped, and with an obvious air of pragmatism she gathered her shopping basket off the floor and balanced it along with the baby on the same arm. Formally but earnestly she apologised to an utterly bewildered employee, who simply pointed her towards a row of shelves further back.

The little laugh that could be heard was Diego’s as they watched Ben’s mother make a beeline for diapers, wet wipes and milk powder as well as other necessities. “ _Holy shit_ , your mum’s boss,” Diego muttered as they watched her fill her shopping basket with everything she would need for the unexpected family addition.

Ben couldn’t help but to mimic the cashiers dumbfound expression when his mother came up to him. Again she formally but earnestly apologised, before proceeding to bargain about the price of her purchase, which brought a little smile to Ben’s face that was half affectionate, half amused.

With his fingers lightly pressed against his chin Klaus muttered, just as quietly as Diego, “can she adopt _all_ of us?”

“I like her,” Ben decided and leaned back in his chair, where he glanced at Five for a brief moment and then at the rest of their siblings in appreciation for letting him go first.

They all stared at the screen and watched Ben’s mother as they let the events of the past sink in, seemingly waiting for something to happen or someone to say something, without wanting to be the first to open their mouth. Every now and then someone made a quiet _aww_ when it became more and more evident that selling her baby hadn’t been the first instinct of Ben’s mother.

Minutes that felt like an eternity had passed when Herb cleared his throat and asked, “so, who’s next?”

Without missing a beat Ben turned to his sister and said, “Vanya!” before anyone else could say something. But no one even uttered a whisper of disagreement on that.

Still, she looked surprised and a little lost, as she pointed at herself with both hands. “Uhm…” Uncertain Vanya glanced at the others. “If you guys… don’t mind?” But everyone shook their head and Allison even squeezed her shoulder in encouragement. Surprisingly eager that Vanya nodded at Herb to give him her okay.

As he recalibrated the Infinite Switchboard Herb explained with a little smile, “you can have the exact locations if you’re interested, I’ve been given permission to hand you the files.”

Appreciative Five studied him but wasn’t all that surprised given that Carmichael had given in with more ease than expected to his request. “Wind of change, I like it”, he said with a nodded and directed his attention back to the screen which had stopped moving just a moment ago.

They were in Russia now, at an indoor swimming pool and a young woman in a bright yellow swimsuit smiled softly at a young man of her age-group before she joined the rest of the synchronised swimmers. Obviously the two of them liked each other, although Five wasn’t sure how that was relevant to the events yet. Unless perhaps they were dating or planning to date.

Soon after the water turned red beneath her, the woman in the yellow swimsuit was hastily pulled back onto the edge of the pool, where the young man from before immediately ran to her in unexpected but understandable and baffled panic.

Just like Ben’s mother Vanya’s clearly couldn’t explain to herself why she ended up holding a baby, or how she had ended up nine months pregnant within the blink of an eye. Exhausted she held her baby and exchanged incredulous, and mildly panicked looks with the young man from before, while the older women of the group which had gathered around her tended to her and the baby. As unexpected as the situation had come these women clearly knew what to do with a birth and the result. One of them had apparently been calling the relatives of the mother because one of the older ones, first visibly taken aback then quickly concerned rushed to the side of the new mother. She cupped her face with familiar and practised motions, examining her and the baby before judging that everything was as alright as it could be.

Overwhelmed Vanya’s mother rocked her baby, pressing her close to her chest as if that helped the situation. Concern lined her face, but she managed a faint smile at the women who had fussed over her before it dissolved into a blank stare that went right through her.

“Jesus,” Vanya muttered and drew her shoulders up, as if she wanted to make herself as small as possible. Unthinking she reached out and gently touched her mother’s face on the screen. And though she probably wasn’t aware of it Five could see that she had the same forlorn look tinged with worry as her mother on her face. And if her mother had worn her hair open they would have seen that it fell in exactly the same way over her shoulders.

“What’s her name?” Vanya asked, quietly, almost carefully and glanced first at Herb then at Five.

“I… don’t know,” Herb admitted and pressed his lips together with a little sigh. “But we can find out – do you all want to know?”

Five caught himself glancing at Luther first and foremost when they all exchanged glances and eventually nodded.

“That would be nice,” Vanya agreed with a little smile and took a deep breath. “Alright, who wants to go next?”

Allison gently nudged Luther. “What about you?” She asked, and Luther glanced at her before directing a questioning glance at Five. After all, they had to make a joint decision on this one.

It was only then, as he stared back at his brother, his twin, the only person in the world that he knew he shared blood with, that Five realised that the two of them had neglected to tell anyone of Pogo’s revelation. Slightly he raised his brows and nodded towards Allison and the others, because given the circumstances it would be better to let them go first. For a moment Luther contemplated his suggestion, but then nodded and nudged Allison.

“Okay, whatever the hell’s going on, care to include us?” Diego inquired expectantly, as Five and Luther made their silent agreement.

“We go last,” Luther replied surer than he seemed to feel. “You go next,” he added a little softer and directed at Allison.

“Alright, never mind, don’t include us,” Diego grumbled with a sigh on the tail end.

“Are you sure?” Allison asked, but simply shrugged and turned her expecting glance towards Diego when Luther confirmed his words. “Alright,” she agreed pragmatically when neither Diego nor Klaus had any objections. “Show her to me,” she instructed firmly.

Herb nodded and began to work to bring them from Russia to Egypt.

From the corner of his eye Five saw Vanya grab Allison’s arm and squeeze it in comfort. He glanced at them and noticed the tension in Allison’s shoulders and Luther’s hesitant arm around her. All the while Allison didn’t even seem to notice that she was playing with her necklace.

Her mother had been sitting on a bus when the pregnancy had surprised her. Allison had made a soft little sound and curled her fingers around the necklace when she spotted the woman that would be the centre of everyone attention for the next while. Her mother wore a colourful dress and a matching hairband on top of her head. She’d had a bag filled with books and a stack of tests on her lap that she was grading. A pair of earrings that might have just been Allison’s glinted in the sun that shone through the window next to her.

As soon as Allison had been on the way the bus had halted and the other passengers had been trying to make enough room for Allison’s mother so that she could lie down, while some immediately rushed to help with the birth, dropping everything they had been holding to offer their assistance. It was a repeating pattern by now, although Five guessed their mothers were simply lucky to have strangers willing to help them and from the look on her face, Allison’s mother had been just as dead sure as all the others that she hadn’t been pregnant just a minute ago. The universe, however, cared little.

A whole flock of strangers cooed over Allison just moments after her birth while her mother was given time to collect herself and rest before an older woman handed her the baby, telling her that it was a girl.

The tests were long forgotten as she was brought to a seat in the back where she could rest and cuddle her baby, while someone collected her bag and the spilt items. Slowly the bus was calming down and continued its way, stopping here and there before it was her turn to get off. The woman who had spent the entire ride since the birth with her, helped her and Allison’s mother gave her a warm smile for it when the woman squeezed her hand.

The destination as they soon found out was a university, or had been, Five presumed because he couldn’t imagine that Allison’s mother had taught any classes that day. Someone recognised her on her way inside, from the looks of it a student, who at the very least seemed utterly delighted by the sight of baby Allison which was something at least.

Allison now, however, hadn’t said a word since her mother had shown up on the screen, and Five saw that she’d pressed her lips together with a mournful expression.

“Heyy,” Klaus softly patted her arm, while Allison dabbed at her eyes and leaned against Luther in an instinctive search for comfort.

“I just can’t help thinking about Claire,” she managed with a breath on the tail end of her sentence. She squeezed Klaus’ hand and then Vanya’s as she gathered herself. It was evident that she missed her, and that watching her own birth had hit just a little too close to home. “It’s okay,” she assured them after taking a deep breath. A quiet toneless laugh escaped her throat as if she didn’t know how else to react to the situation.

They moved on with Klaus while Allison sorted herself into the fold of Luther’s arm, which meant that she leaned against him and folded his arm over herself, but now watched quietly as the pictures on the little screen whirled around anew and landed them in Germany.

Immediately Klaus’ face lit up when music came out of the speakers and a group of students showed up in the screen drinking, laughing and dancing in a small room. From the slanted ceiling, they could tell that it was on the top floor of a house just below the roof. A woman with strawberry blonde hair was bouncing, half dancing on the single bed that stood in the room – marking it as someone’s bedroom, probably the party’s host’s.

One of her friends handed her a beer and she pulled him up onto the bed to dance with her, seconds after that she was pregnant, just like all the others before. Quickly chaos broke out as the small group of students was visibly in well over their heads and utterly unprepared for the events unfolding in front of them.

One of them opened the window and yelled for someone, likely their neighbours, while the others barely managed to pull themselves together enough to make the necessary phone call and lower their friend onto the bed. While the rest of them, who weren’t on the phone, or yelling for the attention of strangers, ran about like chickens who’d lost their heads until the voice at the end of the line gave them some form of direction. Panicked and forcibly sober the students bustled around the flat to assist their friend in the unexpected birth, while Klaus was practically glued to the TV screen in horrified delight.

For a moment the waves seemed to calm, until one of the students, a woman with dark hair and a pale face yelled something about the baby being blue in the face.

“Oh, it’s fine, God hates me anyway and the Devil can’t stand me,” Klaus muttered with the calmness of someone who had seen the eye of their metaphorical hurricane and transcended all stress and worry.

The students bustled about in panic anew while trying to unhook the umbilical cord from around Klaus’ neck. A new wave of panic rose, while further instructions were relayed. It was less than five minutes until Klaus gasped and immediately screamed loud enough to let everyone on the whole block know that he was alive and not pleased about it.

Exhausted the small group of friends seemed to collapse into itself. Klaus’ mother had been reaching out her arms and demanding that someone, anyone, handed her the baby for several moments but now it finally happened. Two of her friends hugged her, while the others sank to the ground where they were standing. Some sat, other straight-up lied down.

Shortly after the phone had been hung up two paramedics arrived at the door to help the stressed-out friends and new mother, who was shortly after transported to the nearest hospital.

For a long moment none of them said anything, simply let the event sink in while Diego squeezed Klaus’ shoulder in comfort, while just like with Allison they let him sort himself out first and foremost. Allison squeezed his shoulder and he looked up at her with a little smile. “Guess that explains my powers,” he joked weakly and was met with unspoken but unanimous sympathy.

This time they let a moment pass and watched as paramedics and shortly thereafter a doctor fussed over Klaus and his mother, while simply seeing the inside of a hospital had a surprisingly calming effect on all of them.

“Alright, me next,” Diego announced when they all felt collectively calmer.

Herb obliged without a word and Germany became Argentina.

Diego’s mother was standing in the kitchen preparing dinner, in what appeared to be a small, homely house of a family that valued familiarity and comfort. It was the same with her as with all the others. One moment her day was going as planned, and the next she had to try and understand why she was nine months pregnant and going into labour – immediately and without warning.

Her yell had drowned out the radio which she had been listening and humming along to. Soon after someone came running, a brother, perhaps a cousin, someone close to her in age but visibly family. He helped her up, immediately calling for others and brought her into the living room so that she could be more comfortable, or at least as comfortable as it was possible in her situation. Within minutes the whole family, old, young and everyone in between had gathered, including next-door neighbours. The older women and those that had given birth before ushered the others around and instructed them on what to do, not spending a moment on questioning what the hell had just happened, instead entirely focused on bringing the new life into the world. Birth first, questions later was clearly their modus operandi.

“Bitch,” Diego muttered bitterly as he watched his mother. Immediately Klaus wrapped his arms around Diego’s and leaned his head against his shoulder. He muttered something so quiet that Five couldn’t understand a word of it, but it was obviously meant to be comforting.

Despite cursing her Diego’s expression spoke of something entirely different, and when Allison caught a glimpse of it she wrapped her arms around him in a gentle but firm hug. Leaning down she leaned her head against his in quiet comfort.

Diego’s mother was given only as much peace as was needed to determine that she was alright as far as the circumstances allowed, before she was hounded with questions from her family, although she visibly didn’t have the strength to respond. Quite honestly it seemed she didn’t have the capacity to do anything other than hold her baby. Watching her face, it was the obvious that she and Diego made the same face when they resigned and stopped listening. The way she stared at the wall across almost made it seem like she could see the camera through which they were watching, while everything else seemed to disappear for her. Only the firm grip around her baby and the thumb which idly stroked his side told them that she hadn’t forgotten about Diego.

“Alright,” Diego sighed after a while, leaning back against Allison who was still hugging him. “You two figure out on your own who goes next,” he said and waved at Five and Luther.

All Five could do was sigh and sink back into his chair, instinctively looking for comfort from Ben, while Luther let out a deep breath. Tipping his head over the edge of the chair Five looked up at Luther with the silent question if he’d told anyone.

“Uhm, er, Allison–” He muttered and pointed towards her, before words eluded him again and Luther pressed his lips together.

“Of course,” Five muttered. Luther only nodded in response, while Allison needed a moment to gather herself before she nodded as well, seemingly caught up on the subject.

“Okay, what’s going on here?” Diego questioned.

“We’re uhm–” Luther began and folded his arms with an uncomfortable sigh.

Five raised his and loudly declared, “Dad lied!”

“Again?” Klaus sighed, not sounding as disappointed as he tried to look.

“What’s new,” Vanya muttered.

With a little frown Luther let his gaze wander, before stating, “we’re twins.” And as if to emphasise that they’d heard right Luther pointed a finger at the both of them.

“As the big guy says,” Five confirmed, “so the question is still who first but in a completely different manner.”

Klaus, Diego, Vanya and Ben took their time examining the both of them, so much that even Allison eventually joined them with a slightly tilted head. The only one who seemed delighted by that was Herb, but that was the least surprising.

Diego shook his head. “This is just… wrong.”

“What are the odds?” Klaus giggled and pulled his legs up onto his chair. – It seemed he’d reached the stage were their revelation was ridiculous.

Vanya narrowed her eyes. “If you squint you can kinda see the resemblance.” Which Diego immediately had to try, however, it did nothing to convince him any further, but it gave him a funny expression.

If Allison had any comments on it she kept them to herself, however, she had removed herself from Diego and placed her hands on the back of his chair as she’d straightened herself.

It was only when Ben squeezed his hand that Five realised he hadn’t said anything, that and that he wasn’t sure when he’d started holding his hand or whether that was a recent occurrence or not. Either way, Five resigned himself to his fate and squeezed back, because it made him feel somewhat better about the prospect of what was to come. The way Ben was pressing his lips together indicated that there was something he could have said about the situation but for the sake of something unspoken kept it to himself.

Herb waited until they were ready to move on before he adjusted the infinite switchboard one last time.

This time a lone woman appeared in the corridor of a cheap motel. Her posture, dress and the curls in her hair so familiar to Five that he wished they weren’t. That for a moment he wanted to take it all back and say he didn’t want to know because whatever this was leading up to couldn’t be good.

“Is that who I think it is?” Luther asked quietly as he leaned over Five’s shoulder.

Taking a slow breath quivering with barely contained fury Five growled, “yes.”

“Shit, she’s been trying to get one of us since day one?” Diego gaped indignantly.

“Looks like it,” Five muttered and clutched the fabric of his shorts in an attempt to keep himself grounded because he needed to see the end of this before throwing accusations around. Ben’s fingers had moved from his hand to his arm where they squeezed just as tightly as before. 

As she steered with a bag of takeout in hand towards one of the rooms Five felt his stomach turn. It was bad enough that their father had bought them from their unsuspecting mothers, but _she_ was simply the icing on the cake. Yet Herb only shrugged cluelessly when Five shot him a warning glance that this better were the right metrics. Because if this was a joke it had already gone on too long.

With suspense they watched as The Handler pulled a key from her pocket and opened the door to the room she had been heading for. Whoever the woman inside was, for the first time in his life Five caught himself praying that his father would show up any second now. For the first time in his life he was glad that his father wasn’t a man of compromises and that whatever The Handler had otherwise planned would be shot down by him promptly and immediately.

The Handler entered the otherwise empty room, placed her lunch on the table near the bed, began to make herself comfortable with the files she’d brought while she ate and waited for their mother to arrive.

Five prayed for some dumb accident that would delay her and make her run into his father’s arms instead, which wasn’t better, simply a mildly lesser evil, but at least… At least… He didn’t even know what to hope for in this situation – At least it wasn’t _her_ , he caught himself thinking. At least _she_ hadn’t been the one to raise them.

With a quiet groan Five let himself sink back and briefly closed his eyes. He had to watch, he couldn’t just not watch, but he couldn’t bear it either. “Guess we got lucky,” he quietly muttered in Luther’s direction and got a quiet, agreeing hum in response. Although the truth was that neither of them knew and all they could do was hope.

“Is she–” Luther began a question, Five just couldn’t say if he never finished it or whether the roaring hum in his mind drowned it out.

 _She_ hadn’t done anything to his mother.

His eyes popped open and the room around him seemed to shrink, his siblings seemed to fade out of existence, while the roaring in his mind got _louder, louder, louder_ till there was nothing else left in his mind except for that sound, and the rush of his blood in his ears, hammering through his veins with a hundred voices forming a single, solid urge for _carnage_.

Five’s eyes were glued to the curve of her belly. One moment absent and the next unmissable. If he had been alone he would have rewound the scene a dozen times and then a dozen more because it seemed like a sick joke that he had trouble comprehending. Yet he knew with every bloodthirsty fibre of his being that it wasn’t.

He couldn’t take his eyes off her and he knew that he had to see all of it else he wouldn’t be able to really believe it, but his thoughts were going a mile a second, tripping over each other, because this was the Commission and _someone_ … had to have known. Someone _always_ knew.

What Five remembered of his jump was that one moment he’d been staring at the screen on the Infinite Switchboard and the next he wasn’t, because his entire being was comprised of the sound of a single name. It had started as a clot in his diaphragm and forced its way upwards in a low rumble before it burst out at full volume.

“ **ATLAS JERICHO CARMICHAEL!** ”

Frantically Five looked around but all that registered in his brain was the absence of that stupid glass dome. Everything from the fact that he was standing on some unfortunate soul’s desk to the faces of the people around him and the room he was in, blurred into unidentifiable smidges for his senses, when all that was left of him was the humming in his bloodstream.

Carmichael. _Zap_. Carmichael. _Zap_. Carmichael. _Zap_. Carmichael. _Zap_.

Absent. Absent. Absent. No. No. – _There_ he was.

There was a table in the way and then no more and Five was finally holding Carmichael uncomfortably by the collar.

“ _Did you know?_ ” Five threatened, realising on some level that he was virtually foaming at the mouth.

Some part of him knew that he’d jump straight onto his desk after landing in Carmicheal’s office. Some part of him even knew that he was taking it too far but the carnage needed an outlet and this was the best he would get in a while. “Did you know!?” He repeated himself louder and sharper than before, shaking Carmichael where he stood. Focused on the fear in those little fish eyes, that was like ice on a hot summer day for his soul. “ _Say it_ ,” Five hissed when he could tell just by looking at him and threateningly pressed Carmichael’s letter opener into the flesh over his body’s heart. No matter how inhuman they had made him beneath his skin, there was no way he could continue to function if Five made swiss cheese out of his chest.

“I- I- I did,” Carmichael stammered, looking almost as sorry as the words left his lips.

Five forced himself to take a deep breath. “ _Why_ didn’t you tell me?” He said, forcing the words out from in between gritted teeth.

“Would it have changed anything?” Carmichael replied with a frown in his voice and too much compassion for Five to handle at this moment.

Of course it wouldn’t have changed anything. Just like intimidating Carmichael wouldn’t make a difference in the end, although it did make him feel better. Harshly Five shoved him back into his chair. He wasn’t the one that deserved his anger anyway. “So that’s it? That’s why you gave me her position? Because I’m her _son?_ ” The words came out more bitter than Five wanted them to. Repressing the urge to kick something Five shifted, playing with the letter opener that he still held and fixed his eyes accusingly on Carmichael.

“No…” he answered slowly. Carmichael had intelligently enough elected that he shouldn’t move from where Five had shoved him, although his was nervously fluttering around in his glass head. “You are more than qualified for the job on your own, it simply worked in your favour this time.”

Five scoffed and jumped off the table to kick its leg instead of Carmichael. “Oh,” he laughed dryly, “now it makes sense, you didn’t want me for my powers, that was just the cherry on top you wanted to see if I’m made out of the same mettle… well am I good enough?” With open arms Five spat the words out and stabbed the desk as hard he could, please to hear the wood crack and splinter in response. “Did you already know when you had her pick me up?”

Cautiously Carmichael nodded. Five slammed his fist on his desk as hard as he could but didn’t manage to leave a dent.

“ _Fuck you!_ ,” he cursed with all the hurt and bitterness he’d buried when he’d alone, “all of you – fuck you for _all_ that you’ve done…” Five raised his unfocused stare to meet Carmichael’s again, who immediately scrambled towards the shelves behind him. But Five only got to take a single step before the door flung open, and he snapped his head around to recognise an exhausted Ben standing in the doorway.

“You can’t fuckin- _don’t_ do that!” Ben stated as firmly as it was possible for someone out of breath before he gathered himself and was able to continue. He took a few steps into the room, just enough to let the door fall shut again before he recognised the look in Five’s eyes and stopped immediately. For a moment Ben seemed uncertain on whether he wanted to proceed at all but then he took a careful step forward with an unfamiliarly determined look. “Five…?” He asked carefully.

Five took another deep breath and focused on Ben, who most of these days still wore his uniform because he had an abundance of them just like he did, Ben who was trying to grow a whimsical moustache just because he could, Ben who looked sixteen but had eyes that were so much older and wearier, Ben who’d kissed him when they were eight because they had been really stupid kids. – Ben. Five let his name resound in his head until it had replaced enough of the roaring urge to spill blood that he could think somewhat clear again. “What are you doing here?”

“Preventing you from committing a murder, obviously,” Ben assessed the situation astutely. He took another step forward, this time surer than before.

“He _knew_.” The pain, bitterness and hurt returned as he spoke and all that Five could come up with. “I–” The words got stuck in his throat and Five had to close his eyes in order to focus his thoughts again. He felt Ben’s tentacles wrap around his arms and legs to hold him in place, which meant that only spatial jumps would allow him to move again, but surprisingly Five found their touch more comforting than restricting. “Does _she_ know?” It wasn’t the most pressing question on his mind, but Five knew that it might later become important. Not to mention that Luther probably wanted to know.

“I think she suspects you,” Carmichael conceded quietly and cautiously sat up in his chair to get a little more comfortable. “Telling her was a risk we couldn’t take,” Carmichael admitted as he continued. Immediately Five’s head snapped towards him with a deadly glare. “Telling you…” Carmichael’s words faded with a sigh. A variety of emotions flickered over his face before he said, “I thought it was best to wait for you to ask, given how I knew you would feel about it.”

Ben was next to him, Five noticed, although he couldn’t say when that had happened and then that the tentacles had loosened their grip but he didn’t dare to reach out.

“C’mon,” Ben said quietly and placed a hand on his shoulder. He didn’t pull or tug, he simply let the weight of his hand remind Five that he could stop now and that there were people waiting for him elsewhere. People who cared and worried.

“It changes nothing,” Carmichael assured him quietly but firmly.

And because he didn’t know what else to do with himself Five simply nodded and brought Ben and himself back to the control room where he took a moment to study his siblings and soak up the simple comfort of their presence in an attempt to calm down. With a deep sigh, Five forced some of the tension from his shoulders and rubbed his neck.

“You okay?” Luther questioned, not quite sure what to make his sudden reappearance but visibly glad for it.

“I guess,” Five replied and pressed his lips together. “ _Better_ , I guess.” At the very least he could now claim that his murderous urges had gone down a notch or two and the desire to stick a knife into someone wasn’t as immediate anymore. “Show me,” he said, glancing at Herb. “From the beginning.”

As he turned towards the small TV screen Luther sat down with him this time as they watched and put one of his arms around his shoulders which only reminded Five just how small he really was right now. A small part of himself almost felt sorry, not for her, not for them, just for the fact that their mother had been alone through it all. Only that he couldn’t bring himself to express it when he saw the downright annoyed expression on her face because the only thing The Handler seemed to have felt other than the pain of labour that was _greatly inconvenienced_ by the arrival of the children he hadn’t asked for.

Unfortunately, the only thing it seemed to do for his reputation at the company was to increase the deep respect Herb felt for him. But since Five had absolutely no capacity to deal with it as of this moment he simply ignored it.

“Is she… here?” Luther asked quietly, looking expectantly at Five who wanted to shrug but was interrupted by Herb before he could say or do anything.

“She’s,” he stuttered, “recovering, if you... I could bring you to her?” The moment he’d spoken the words he seemed to instantly regret them. Because it meant he might have to face her again.

“Just show us the door,” Five said with a sigh.

PRESENT – Inside The Handler’s confinement

Five would have preferred to go alone but Ben now refused to leave his side, and it would have been rude to exclude Luther which meant that Allison had to go with them. Which meant that Vanya wanted to go with them because she wanted to do everything her sister did. Which meant that Diego and Klaus had to go with them because it was unjust to leave either of them behind. Which meant that Five, in tow with all six of his siblings, trudged into the small room The Handler was kept it.

It was, all things considered, quite the nice confinement. She had a bed, a table to work at, a window to watch the outside from although bars had been installed, but there were also a TV, plenty of books and a laptop. – They didn’t want her to get bored, Five realised when he noticed a pack of cigarettes on the nightstand.

The Handler looked like she always did. Dressed to the nines – like someone had cut her straight from a book filled with designer illustrations. Her curls were immaculate and despite the holes Five had put into her stomach, she was already smoking again as if nothing had happened. But perhaps to someone like her cigarettes were the only solace at this point.

She was reclining on the single bed in the room with a book face down on her lap, checking something on her phone, which apparently the Commission had also allowed her to keep. She barely even looked up when Five entered and muttered something about giving her a minute. Only when the number of footsteps increased beyond what she expected did she glance up to see who had come to visit.

For a moment The Handler scrutinised the other six before her gaze fell back onto Five. With a dry grin, she arranged herself on the edge of the bed with crossed legs. “Did you ask for it or did they force it on you?” _Once a killer, always a killer_.

Clearly she had been pondering that question since they had brought her here, but if it hadn’t been for her mocking tone Five wouldn’t have known without guessing what she was talking about. – That they had kept her didn’t surprise him, although he had wondered what they had been waiting for. He wondered whether Carmichael had wanted to leave her for him, or he was simply too concerned about proper protocol and losing one of his best assets. “Sorry, not today,” Five replied with a little twitch of his mouth and not the least bit sorry.

Nobody was here to kill her and as far as Five was concerned, nobody would come for that express purpose for a very long time.

“Oh,” The Handler blinked and her demeanour shifted instantly. Instead of simply awaiting the bullet in the head with practised resignation, she now regarded them with open curiosity.

Admittedly Five didn’t know what he wanted to do. Perhaps he should have just killed her but that would have been unfair to Luther, and to the fact that it wouldn’t satisfy the howling of his blood. “Where’s Lila?” Five couldn’t say why he asked about her. He didn’t particularly care what had become of her at the end of all things, but it seemed to break the ice for the moment.

“How should I know they’re not telling me anything,” she said with a shrug and took a drag of her cigarette. “But if I find that wimp they replaced me with I’m going to make them wish they would have let me bleed out.”

Ignoring the statement that he was the answer to Five couldn’t bring himself to ask the question that Diego’s words implied.

With a scoff his brother had muttered, “as if you care.”

“Aw,” The Handler, inclined her head downwards with the sound feigning sympathy, “Lila’s a big girl, perfectly capable of handling those goons, _I raised her after all_.” Her glance now hovered in mild disapproval over Diego.

And that was the crux of it all Five thought and shoved his hands into his pockets. She was no better than his father, the only reason she would have kept either of them were their powers. Which only made Five want to leave, but the expression of Luther’s face when he turned towards the door made him stop in his tracks.

“I’m not here for Lila,” he admitted then, turning back to face the Handler. “I’m here for October 1st, 1989 – though I’m realising, I have nothing to say and there’s nothing I want to hear from you.”

The Handler raised her eyebrows in feigned ignorance but Five knew that the gears in her head were turning and the puzzle pieces were slotting together in a way they hadn’t before.

“Except maybe one,” Five decided, “ _when_ did it occur to you? Before or after you picked me out of that wasteland?”

Amused The Handler grinned and leaned her head onto her hand as she took a long drag of her cigarette. “You’re quite like _me_ , you know, when I started out,” she crooned. “But,” she admitted with a sigh, “it would have been hard to guess if you hadn’t shown up in those _adorable_ little shorts.”

Decidedly Allison put her arms on her hips and said, “okay, you can’t talk to him like that, I don’t care how old he is – he looks thirteen and I will make you punch yourself if I have to.”

“What are you his mother?” The Handler laughed dryly. Allison glowered in an attempt stare her down but that only further amused The Handler. “So, which one’s the other one?” Expectantly she looked first at Five, then at the others. “The junky, the knife boy, the dumb blond or… you’re new,” she said, examining Ben with surprised interest.

“The ex-dead one,” Ben offered dryly.

The Handler sized him up and down. “They did a really good job on you,” she noted unexpectedly pleased before letting her gaze wander again. “So?”

“Only I get to call Luther dumb,” Diego immediately piped up with a knife in hand which he’d pulled from God knows where; Five had never stopped to ask himself that question.

“Diego, if you were so kind as to not showcase your willingness to fight your own shadow at the drop of a hat, and just because Luther’s judgement is dominated by daddy issues the size of himself doesn’t mean he’s _that_ dumb,” Five sighed.

The Handler answered with a relieved groan. “Thank God, it’s not the junky!”

Before Diego could jump to Klaus’ defence and anyone had to hold him back Klaus gave a long, exhausted sigh. “Lady, I don’t know anything about you other than that you tried to off us at that barn in the 60s, but I wouldn’t want to be unadopted just to be recognised as your child even if I had the chance and God and the Devil stopped playing hopscotch with my soul,” Klaus stated with unexpected offence and accusation. Pointedly he’d stabbed at the air while he’d spoken and now folded his arms, visibly convinced that he’d shown her. Which in terms of Klaus was probably the case, Five guessed. “Also what she said.” Klaus then quickly added and nodded at Ally.

“What?” Confused Five turned to his brother who immediately smoothed his hair back which caused Five to glare.

“Keep your _dirty_ fingers of my pretend son,” Klaus breathed with a shaky voice and wrapped an arm around Five’s shoulders. Diego was the first one to catch on and immediately pulled out another knife.

“Yeah ‘n no more comments about those shorts,” he added, menacingly pointing one of the knives at The Handler.

“I’m going to skin you,” Five muttered dryly, but with so little conviction that nobody felt threatened. Klaus even had to bite back a smile.

Ignoring their little dispute, The Handler glanced at Luther and sighed. “At least you have my good looks.”

Allison who still had her hands on her hips looked at Vanya for comfort with either of them silently wishing they weren’t related to any of the others right now.

“So you’re… my mum?” Luther asked and didn’t seem to know what he wanted to do with that information. Which was quite understandable given that there was little motherly about The Handler to begin with.

“She may have given birth to us but _don’t_ let yourself be fooled by that,” Five immediately interrupted, while Ben extracted him from Klaus’ grip with the help of his tentacles. Which meant that Five was now dangling a few feet above the ground and quietly seething, like a cat that had not wanted to be picked up, but instead of at Ben it was directed at The Handler who deserved it far more. “You knew I had powers when you offered me that contract, you knew what they were gonna do to me, you’re no better than dad!” he spat, but before he could jump down it was Luther who picked him out of Ben’s tentacles and set him back onto the floor. “If there’s anything you want to ask her, do it now because I’m this close to adding to the holes in her torso,” Five hissed at him with fingers touching. Luther nodded.

“Now now,” the Handler replied and exhaled a cloud of smoke. “You’re nothing I wouldn’t want you to be, mother or not.”

“ _Birth giver_ ,” Five hissed.

The Handler sighed and gave Luther an exasperated look. “Just to make this clear, if I had known about your powers I would have kept you, and _you_ specifically because every once in a while, I like to hear a normal answer.”

**

It had taken Herb only about an hour to compile the data of their mothers and while everyone poured over their files Five hadn’t even opened his own before he’d handed it to Luther who had only briefly glanced at it before slumping down next to him and quietly stating, “her file says she’s British.”

“Luther, I don’t really care…”

“I think you do if you’re that upset,” Luther replied and nudged him.

That didn’t get much more out of him than a sigh as Five placed his arms on his knees and let his head sink onto them.

“You said…” Luther paused momentarily as if he wasn’t sure whether to continue, “they did something to you because of your contract – is that why you don’t think _this_ ,” Luther gestured at himself, “isn’t going to work?”

With furrowed brows Five stared at the floor through the space between his arms, instead of answering however he wobbled slightly from side to side. “I meant it, you know, I didn’t enjoy the killing,” he muttered and forced himself to lift his head for a moment to look at Luther before he let it sink again. “I never enjoyed it,” he insisted but hesitated and bit his lip – it was only half of the truth after all – “but it never bothered me either.”

With closed eyes Five allowed the words to sink in before he continued, “everyone who works for the corrections department of the Commission undergoes augmentation, the very least they do is to accelerate your healing and your endurance and the rest simply depends on where they send you… but I was… I was their pet project.”

Luther didn’t say anything for a while, perhaps he didn’t even know what he could say before he eventually offered, “that healing thing, that’s why your cells have stopped right?”

Slowly Five nodded. “Yeah,” he muttered and sighed sourly. “It’s not even what I’m upset about, there’s a good chance they couldn’t have known and ultimately it was only meant to be to my advantage.”

“Then what are you upset about with her?”

“They spliced my DNA,” the words came easier than Five would have expected and he briefly pressed his lips together. “With all of them. – Every notable killer in history with just enough _me_ left to be horrified by the realisation – every historic assassination and every moment of meaningless bloodshed, every name with notoriety has been stitched under my skin, and when I think about it- that she just stood by and… allowed it, I just, I could maim her just thinking about it… argh.” Unable to look up Five stared at his hands which were dangling over his knees.

“I… don’t know what to say…”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Five replied and let himself sink against Luther’s arm for comfort. “It would be a miracle if there’s enough _me_ left to reverse what father did, it’s not that I don’t want it to work I just… The odds are as good as me jumping through time and not ending up in my thirteen-year-old body.”

With a little smile Luther examined his arm which was only slightly less gorilla-like than before, “seems to be working so far.”

“It seems,” Five agreed and studied Luther for a long moment. But if only because Pogo had managed to extract the remnants of the person he had once been and only that. “But there are so many of them… and just one me.”

With a quiet sigh Luther sank his shoulders and when his head sank as well and he remembered the file in his hands he opened it once more, although Luther hardly looked any more enthusiastic than before. “It kind of makes it easier that she’s like dad, only interested in our powers you know.”

“Hmm-mh,” Five agreed with a little hum. “It makes it worse too.” Patting Luther’s arm he added, “keep the file, it’s yours as much as mine and I don’t want it.” And though he knew that it wasn’t necessary because there was nothing head to apologise for Five added, “sorry we got the short end of the stick.” But Luther immediately waved it off dismissively.

“Wait so does that mean, the only reason you’re such a prick is because mum made you that way?”

“In a way…”

“So you’re actually as adorable as you look,” Luther concluded, and when Five caught his gaze he realised that against expectations Luther was teasing him.

“I’m an assassin, Luther. I’m the opposite of adorable.”

“Right.” Thoughtfully Luther paused. “And yet you were like a feral kitten when Ben had you hanging in the air…”

“One more word and you can say goodbye to your kneecaps,” Five grumbled.

“So adorable,” Luther replied and had to suppress a laugh when Five elbowed him.

PRESENT – That same night

“Scoot,” Five demanded as he pushed his heel into Ben’s side with little regard for the other’s comfort. He couldn’t sleep and the only remedy he could think of was to do what he’d always done as a kid on every night their father hadn’t monitored their sleep. Which was to bother Ben under the pretence of Ben being unable to sleep even when that was as far from the truth as it could possibly get.

Without a word, Ben rolled himself into his blanket which provided Five with just enough room to squeeze himself onto the bed with his blanket in tow. “Move,” he huffed and shoved he knee against Ben’s leg to which Ben’s only response was to mumble something about there being not any more room left. Which there truly wasn’t because Ben had grown too much in those first three years he’d missed, or maybe the Commission had added to his height by mistake and Ben had simply accepted.

“Jus’ sleep,” Ben muttered and patted Five’s face warily.

“Can’t,” Five grumbled and pulled his blanket tightly around himself.

“Hmm-mrh…” With a sigh, Ben rolled onto his back and blinked his eyes open. “Oh, how the tables have turned…” As best as he could without disturbing Five in his blanket cocoon Ben shifted onto his side and leaned his head onto his hand. “What’s up?”

In the dark of the room, Five could only make out the general shape of Ben, familiar and yet new because he’d never been bigger than him all those years before, but still unmistakably Ben. Five buried himself under his blanket so that only the top of his head, part of his hand, his eyes and half his nose were visible. Lying here made him strangely glad he’d brought his blanket as a protective shield between himself and Ben. “Are the monsters here?” He couldn’t feel them and that was usually a given when being this close to Ben.

“Always,” Ben sighed and closed his eyes, although Five could hardly see it through the dark. But then a stray tentacle poked him where Ben presumed his stomach underneath the blanket, but retreated again before Five could grab it. Instinctively he’d had wanted to reach out, just to remind himself that Ben’s monsters were tangible just like him.

“How does it feel?” He had wanted to ask that question for a while now but somehow hadn’t found the right moment to do so.

“How’s what feel?” Ben muttered and with a little sigh, while he seemed to close his eyes for a moment.

“The monsters,” Five clarified and wondered if anyone had ever asked.

In the silence that followed Ben probably pressed his lips together and swallowed or maybe he just made a face that was a little thoughtful but mostly tired while he contemplated that question. “Alien,” Ben eventually replied quietly. “It never feels like something that belongs to me. – Why’s it interestin' you?” His fingers lightly tugged at the blanket covering Five to get him to reveal the remainder face at the very least.

Though Five couldn’t come up with any reason that was good enough because Ben could hardly see him any better in the night than anyone else, unless he summoned a monster with night vision. Which meant he could probably summon one for every purpose necessary if only he wanted too. Or perhaps he had to know the monsters first, which of course would complicate things but then again Five was sure there were monsters with night vision aplenty.

“Why do you want to know?” Ben tried to tuck a loose strand of hair behind his ear but it was too short to it fell back. “I overheard some of what you mentioned to Luther earlier,” he added when Five struggled to find an answer. “You’re _not_ a monster.”

Unconvinced Five studied Ben’s silhouette in the dark. “They _designed_ me to kill. If you hadn’t interrupted me I don’t know what I would have done to Carmichael and I don’t know what I would have to do _her_ if all of you hadn’t been present.” His mother deserved his anger far more than Carmichael, to begin with, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t been furious with him. The urge had followed him home like a dull ache, even now he could feel it humming through his body. Five closed his eyes. A quiet dissatisfied sound left his throat.

As it seemed Ben had no answer for that, but then again Five had no idea what anyone could possibly say to that. Instead, Ben sighed quietly and tried to tuck away the stubborn strand from before again. “And you didn’t, _that’s_ what doesn’t make you a monster.”

“I won’t grow up unless I’m really lucky Ben, I’m worse than all of them because of the way things are I can’t die.” And that was so much worse now that he wasn’t stuck in the apocalypse or the claws of the Commission. It was so much worse because now, everything he had only been able to daydream about in that time had become tangible, only to have everything moved out of reach immediately again. Only that this time he didn’t have the luxury of ignoring them by simply not thinking about them.

Sighing quietly Ben made himself more comfortable. “It’s like they’re moving under my skin, I feel them pushing and pulling making room for themselves,” Ben paused for a moment and sunk heavily onto the mattress, “the tentacles are the worst, they never stay put, but it feels like they’re coming out of an invisible hole in my stomach so I’d rather they stay in their dimension unless I need them…”

“What about the others?”

“Weird but… not _that_ bad,” Ben admitted, “it feels like my body is morphing to accommodate them unless they come out of the pit.” There was a momentary pause before he asked, “And you?” _How does it feel for you?_

“Do you remember the last time someone grated on your nerves so bad that you’ve seriously considered stabbing them?”

“An hourly occurrence with Klaus,” Ben groaned and buried his face in his pillow.

Five felt a laugh in the back of his throat but it didn’t want out so only snorted quietly. “Alright,” he swallowed and wet his lips, “it’s kind of like that, only worse and contrary to reason and it never stops, some days are just better than others, or maybe I should say it the other way around, some days are infinitely worse than others because I spent all morning arguing myself out of stabbing the first person who speaks to me with my toothbrush, and then the spoon in my coffee or the knife on my plate and that’s how my whole day goes, I find infinite ways to murder the people around me and then I have to be reasonable and not do that… it’s like an itch, if I scratch it goes away for a while, if I don’t I can try to ignore it but even then it’s on my mind – some days that works out, others it takes me every ounce of restraint not to stab the mailman for looking my way.”

“You would stab the mailman for looking at you with or without the Commission,” Ben teased lightly. “You stabbed the breakfast table and yelled about time travel before you disappeared for sixteen years, I think you were somewhat predisposed to your current condition.”

“Alright you got me there,” Five sighed and shuffled his blanket just enough out of the way so that his whole face was free after all. “When I saw her on that screen I just… it was the final straw,” Five paused, considering his words for a moment before he said, “you can let them out, it’s okay.”

“What if I _want_ to sleep on stomach?”

“You have _never_ in all thirteen years that I’ve known you slept on your stomach,” Five retorted and Ben giggled.

He rolled half onto his back and stretched comfortably, sighing as if releasing unspoken tension from his body, while Five freed one of his arms and patted around the area of Ben’s stomach till he managed to get a hold of one of the tentacles.

“What are you doing?” Ben quietly laughed when he felt the tug of Five shaking the tentacle.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Five,” he introduced himself although he wasn’t sure whether the monster could hear, see or otherwise sense him. “I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t make Ben so unconformable,” he said and tried not to grimace when one of the other tentacles patted his face as if it wanted to find out who was speaking. “Also, could you please keep him whole this time, we all really missed him.” The tentacle on his head paused almost thoughtfully before it pushed his head down twice as if attempting to make him nod. That almost made him laugh.

“That’s so dumb, I can’t believe that worked,” Ben groaned but did nothing to keep the tentacles from draping themselves over Five protectively. “I think they like you,” Ben giggled because he didn’t know what else to do. “Five?”

“Hrmm,” Five mumbled from underneath his blanket. Something about the added weight of the tentacles made him unexpectedly drowsy.

“Do you remember what you always used to tell me whenever I got scared?”

With a sigh Five fought his eyes open, “everything’s gonna be alright." Although he couldn’t really promise that, he could hardly even promise to keep Ben safe, but he could try and wasn’t that what it was all about.

“Yeah… you know, I could never really make myself believe that,” Ben admitted quietly, “all the blood, all the horror… it was too much for me.” As he paused he patted Five’s hand which still rested on one of the tentacles between them. “But I liked hearing it from you,” Ben admitted, “because you were always by the door when I came out covered in blood, that’s why I always came back – because you always showed up on the other side of that blood-covered room, and that’s why I was scared of the light because… I knew nobody would be waiting on the other side.”

While he had spoken Ben had rested his hand on his and stroked his thumb over it, which would have lulled Five to sleep if it weren’t for his words just now.

“I would’ve wanted you to go.”

“I know.” Ben paused again. “Everything’s going to be alright, Luca.”

The mention of his name tightened his chest uncomfortably, there was a reason he didn’t use it and Ben knew exactly what that was. Yet he could tell the sentiment behind its use. Because it was the same reason why Five avoided his name like the plague, only that Ben had the audacity to use it counter to the intention behind it.

He hadn’t outgrown his father’s nickname yet, and while _Five_ was a reminder that it wasn’t over yet, _Luca_ now was a promise that that exactly would happen.

Five muttered something that could have been an insult if he had put more effort into pronouncing his words and knocked his fist into Ben’s chest, just hard enough to make him feel the punch.

For a moment Ben seemed to hesitate as if there was more he wanted to say, but Five wasn’t going to find out tonight because he didn’t remember much after that as he fell asleep, comfortably nestled underneath his blanket and the tentacles.

**

Of course he could tell himself that he’d meant to go back to his own bed, but Five knew that it was a lie. Besides Ben had already been gone when he’d woken up so there was really no point to it. Sighing Five rolled around so that he could watch the door and the rest of the room before he slowly extracted himself from his blanket and immediately jumped into the kitchen to get himself a cup for coffee, however instead of jumping back Five strolled back upstairs towards his own room. He would get his blanket whenever he needed it, but right now he needed clothes more.

He’d emptied half of his coffee and was half done getting dressed; he only had put on a clean shirt and shorts and a pair of socks, which to be quite honest made him look more than half-dressed given that most of his body was covered once the socks were added and this was already more than half of his uniform.

Ben knocked just as he entered the room. “There you are! Great, I’ve been looking for you, Klaus said I should stop wearing the same five pairs of clothes or my uniform, and he insists I go shopping with him, then he recruited Ally and Vanya wants to come too, so now you have to come too,” he chattered while Five could do nothing but stare at him. “You just can’t keep wearing dad’s old uniform all the time either, you know,” Ben said with a smile.

Gathering himself enough to remember that he needed to grab a tie Five managed to initiate the jump but before he managed to stop himself because he wanted to pause he was already standing in front of the closet. So while he was at it he picked up a tie and transported himself back to his original spot. “Ben,” somehow it took all of him to gather enough strength to say his name now.

The way Ben looked at him he awaited a response to his previous statement, however going shopping was as far from Five’s mind as it could possibly be. “Did you…” Five focused on the tie in his hands as he threaded it through his fingers before looping it around his neck without actually tying it. “Did you mean that – do you really believe what you said last night?” Absent-mindedly Five tried to form a knot like he’d been taught. Perhaps this was how he’d made Ben feel all those years whenever he’d told him everything would be okay, because Five couldn’t help the doubt, no matter how much he wanted to. But a single month of Luther not suffering consequences proved nothing to him.

A familiar jolt went through him when Ben cupped his face. The touch made him instinctively want to jump back if only to clear his head from the onslaught of unasked for thoughts. Instead Five found himself staring at Ben’s face looking for an answer. Ben’s answer, however, wasn’t in his expression or his words, it was in the way that he pressed his lips onto Five’s and kissed him, warm and certain and filled with the promise of future kisses, that drew attention to a dull ache in the centre of his chest wanting more. But all that Five got when he gave in to the push was a blissful second where the circumstances were forgotten and irrelevant as he kissed him back, before Ben broke the kiss almost immediately and comradely patted his shoulder.

Dazed Five caught the breath hitched in his throat, he wanted to say something but it took all out of him to notice that he almost dropped his tie and catch it before it fell to the floor.

“Now you have to grow up so we can do that again,” Ben declared as he gently squished Five’s face. A little smile tugged around the corners of his mouth which made it incredibly hard to be mad at him. “C’mon, Vanya already said she wants a suit for her performances, then we can buy some for you as well.”

“What if I stab the cashier,” Five stated. He wasn’t sure why he said it, but it was the only coherent thought his brain was capable of. It seemed, however, a very relevant concern to him at that moment, and was a lot easier to process than Ben’s kiss.

“Then you have to hold my hand, it’s the law now.”

“What the fuck kinda stupid law is that I’ll just stab your hand,” Five replied unthinkingly, while he kept staring at Ben, the tie in his hands almost forgotten and the hands-on his cheeks felt still too warm but he was getting used to them. “With love.”

Five lowered his gaze onto his tie again, still holding onto its ends and let his head sink against Ben’s chest, where he closed his eyes with a deep breath. “Let’s go buy some suits,” he muttered because that was a lot easier to say than what Ben might otherwise expect.

Sighing Ben wrapped his arms around his shoulders and patted Five’s back. With more earnest than expected he said, “look, for all that society is considered you’re thirteen, so unless you grow five more inches and age up just as many years, all you’re getting to do is hold my hand.”

Wordlessly Five grabbed Ben by the collar and pulled him down onto eye level until Ben’s forehead bumped against his own. “I’m going to–”

The corners of Ben’s mouth quirked up as he casually pushed his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “What?” He taunted playfully. “You’re going to have to _make_ Pogo’s remedy work,” Ben added in a sing-song. “ _That’s_ what you’re going to do.”

PRESENT – A year and a couple of months after Dallas

Against the squirmy feeling in Five’s gut, Luther had shrunken down to size without any trouble within more or less six months. Although he looked unexpectedly lanky and tall now, or perhaps that was simply because even though his clothes from before weren’t unwearable they looked a too big on him now. And once Luther had been pronounced of sound mind and body, Pogo had set out to work on Five’s serum with the help of Klaus and Grace, just like before.

Five had barely felt the needle during the injection and so far he couldn’t say that he felt any different, but then again – he didn’t really expect it to work anyway, so he wasn’t expecting to feel anything either.  
,  
Vanya had wanted to make cookies, which was to say that Vanya had wanted cookies and convinced him that making them was better than buying them. Although Five had hardly needed any convincing, despite having lost his sweet tooth to a bad Twinkie he’d had, simply because he enjoyed it. It was the sole reason why Five never just poured alcohol in his coffee and why he took time to prepare the glass for his cocktail because in all his forty-five years in the apocalypse preparing nice things for himself whenever he’d been given the chance, had been one of the few things to get him through it.

Which right now meant that he liked the idea of cookies more than the final product but that was okay, because Vanya seemed to be having fun.

She had recently discarded her scarf for good and was openly showing the violin strings that seemed to vibrate on her throat with every word spoken and sometimes even when all she did was breathe.

A little amused smile showed on her lips as she watched Five methodically measure the ingredients. “You’re taking this more seriously than I would have expected.”

“Good preparation is half of what makes good food,” Five told her earnestly as he sifted the flour into the bowl before sliding it toward Vanya so that she could continue. It was a routine they had started developing when making food, trading off tasks even if it was as simple as adding ingredients to a bowl.

“That must’ve been hard for you, all those years scavenging,” Vanya replied with a concerned little frown, “I can’t imagine living without supermarkets…” She slid the bowl back to him.

“Well, they were there just not…” Five shrugged, added eggs and slid the bowl back to Vanya.

“Exactly,” she sighed and they continued their little game of sliding the bowl back and forth before the dough was finally ready.

As he turned off the mixer Five noticed Ben’s familiar presence hovering over his shoulder. He unplugged it and removed the stirrers, handing one of them to Vanya and the other to Ben before he could dip his fingers into the bowl and Five had to restrain himself from turning the mixer back on, but this time to do some threatening instead of mixing.

With a content sigh Ben licked off the dough, much greedier than Vanya who was nibbling it off of her stirrer like a mouse but looked just as pleased with her haul as Ben. While both of them were busy, Five prepared the baking sheet and portioned equal heaps of cookie dough on it until it was filled.

Vanya had turned the oven on to preheat it and slid the first sheet in while Five prepared the second. Briefly he glanced inside the oven before he settled himself against the counter between Ben and Vanya. Patience was something he had been forced to learn during the apocalypse but Five still like the preparation of cookies more than actually waiting for them to bake.

Quietly Five breathed out and closed his eyes, he could hardly admit it but he liked the smell even though he would rather not eat any. (Well aware that these cookies would taste better than anything he’d had during the apocalypse, but that wasn’t what this was about).

Tossing the stirrer into the sink Ben reached past him for the bowl, while Vanya still savoured her share of the dough. This time he dug in with his fingers, muttering something that sounded like “shut up” and seemed to be directed at, at least, one of the monsters. “I’d say you’re missing out,” Ben admitted, “but that would mean less for me, so I’m not going to complain.”

Five snorted quietly and watched him hand the bowl to Vanya when she had finished her stirrer as well, so she could have her share.

“Tastes good,” Ben evaluated and Vanya hummed in agreement. Then, directed at his stomach he grumbled, “I said shut up.”

“What?”

“It complains about the raw cookie dough?”

“Who? The Bentacles?”

“Stop calling them that,” Ben complained and pulled at Five’s cheek before confirming his suspicion with a quiet grumble.

“What are you talking about?” Vanya questioned with confused amusement.

With a groan Ben draped himself over Five’s shoulders and plopped his chin onto Five’s head. “He befriended the- holy shit,” without warning Ben gripped his shoulders, and raised his head again only to plop it onto Five’s once more. This time a little more carefully than the first, however it left clueless as to what was going on.

So when he couldn’t figure out what that for other than uncomfortably bumping his head Five sighed and decided to let Ben be Ben. Clearly his years with Klaus had rubbed off on him. “They like me so I named them,” he explained and grabbed a tentacle with each hand.

Vanya raised a brow. “Bentacles?”

“They’re tentacles attached to Ben,” Five replied matter-of-factly while Ben, seemingly excited, patted his face.

“Five, Five, Five, Five, Five, Five!”

A quiet groan escaped Five’s lips, but when Ben didn’t stop bobbing on his heels and patting his face Five tipped his head back to see what the fuss was about. “If you need to say something, please just to do and don’t strain my already frayed nerves.”

“Growth!” Ben announced, his entire seemingly vibrating with the excitement of it.

“What.” Five and Vanya replied in unison.

“You,” Ben said in a manner that meant to clarify his previous statement but did absolutely nothing of that sort. But then Vanya gasped in delight and started hopping in place just like Ben had before.

“You’ve grown!” Vanya announced looking positively ecstatic about the news and fell around his neck which only prompted Ben to hug Five as well.

All Five could bring himself to do was to look down himself when he got the chance and then back at his sister before craning his head back to look at Ben, deciding that it couldn’t have been much at all because Ben still was about a head taller than him.

“You have to tell Pogo, we have to check,” Ben announced.

“Someone has to watch the cookies,” Five calmly replied although he couldn’t say where it was coming from because he knew he should be all but that.

Immediately Ben yelled for Klaus, which only made Five concerned about the rest of the dough because he was fairly sure that unless the second sheet of cookies made it into the oven it wouldn’t live long enough to become actual cookies under Klaus’ supervision. Which most likely meant Diego’s supervision as well, which meant that there weren’t going to be cookies for long anymore.

In the end they stationed Klaus, along with Diego, and Grace for safekeeping of the cookies, in the kitchen while Ben dragged him to Pogo. Which was admittedly necessary because Five hadn’t wanted to keep track of the depressing record that was his height and he wasn’t looking forward to finding out either.

“Not a lot,” Pogo confirmed his suspicion, while Five stood straight as a pole at the wall to allow accurate measuring. “About two fingers in width,” he observed after comparing the measurements. “And I wouldn’t get my hopes up, your body has been through an awful lot... that you’re growing at all is a lot more progress than I would have expected.”

“Stunted growth is the least of my problems,” Five muttered.

Yet Ben looked obviously pleased with himself.

“Quite impressive that you noticed it,” Pogo admitted as he studied Ben for a moment. There was a little twinkle in his eye which suggested that he knew why it had been Ben.

Glancing back and forth between Five and Pogo Vanya asked, “so what does that mean?”

A little sympathetic smile showed on Pogo’s face. “Your cells are dying again.”

“For how long?” Five couldn’t keep himself from asking.

“Only time will tell,” Pogo sighed, folding his hands over the top of his cane. 

PRESENT – October 1st, four years after Dallas

He found Vanya at her favourite café having brunch just like she always did. She was slathering butter and jam onto a croissant when Five’s jump landed him promptly in a chair opposite to her. Pleased by the unexpectedly comfortable landing Five examined the chair briefly before glancing towards the door.

“Where’s Ben?” Vanya asked with a half-full mouth and preoccupied with trying to keep the crumbs from falling everywhere.

“Here in a minute,” Five replied, shifting his attention to the breakfast table Vanya had organised for them and grabbed a pastry. Which was about as much sweetness as he could stomach, but it was their birthday so it felt appropriate. In a silent toast Five raised the pastry in lieu of the coffee that he poured himself, and said, “happy birthday V,” in-between bites because he’d been hungry since he’d woken up.

“Happy birthday you two,” she smiled and her eyes darted over to Ben who almost jumped over the back of the chair as he let himself fall into it. “What did you try to outrun?” she asked, as Ben grabbed a pastry as well and devoured half of it within a couple bites after elbowing Five in the ribs, which Five chose to ignore.

“The usual,” Five groaned, “someone dug the whip out again and it’s _not_ Klaus and Diego.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s a recording,” Ben said but grimaced all the same, while Vanya concentrated on the remainder of her croissant. He’d devoured the rest of the pastry and was cutting open a roll and coated it in a thick layer of jam and butter, just like Vanya before.

“Just because it might be a recording doesn’t mean I want to listen to it all morning,” Five grumbled and let himself sink in the chair with a coffee cup in hand. 

A quiet aggravated sigh left Vanya’s lips as she massaged her temples. “Please spare me the details, how come I am the only one dating outside the family anyway… Jesus Christ on a pogo stick.”

“’Cause you’re the only one with some sense in the brain,” Five replied dryly.

Making a quiet dissatisfied sound Vanya sank into her chair and eyed the table between them before grabbing another croissant. “I wonder… maybe you’re the ones who got it right… who’d ever date a mess like us?”

“Vanya,” Ben said softly but reprimanding, briefly interrupting himself as he shovelled scrambled eggs, veggies and toast onto a plate. As he was slowly denting their small mountain of breakfast with an appetite that suggested the monsters in his stomach needed to be fed too, although Ben vehemently denied it when asked about it.

“No, don’t start with that,” Vanya groaned, but her eyes were cast into the room behind them. “I’m just thinking out loud.”

“Even if it _is_ true,” Five replied nonchalantly, “then you still got the best chances of all of us.” His eyes followed her gaze across the room where it landed on a blonde waitress, who was all things considered quite ordinary-looking but was also quite obviously the object of Vanya’s interest. Five shot her a pointed glance, it had been almost a year since the young woman had started working at the café and Vanya had exhausted every excuse in the book to come here and hover around her.

“She’s cute,” Ben smiled and waved when the waitress noticed all three of them momentarily staring.

“I can’t,” Vanya replied to Five’s questioning stare.

“Yes, you can,” he insisted and drank his coffee.

“I don’t even know if she–”

“You go chat her up, Ben and I will guard the table – look,” Five said and jumped to get a stack of paper cups with which he filled the remainder of the coffee pot. “Here’s your opening line.” While he’d filled their table with half a dozen paper cups of steaming coffee Vanya had simply sunken into her chair and covered her face with one of her hands.

“What do I even ask her??” She whined quietly.

“Tell her it’s your birthday,” Ben chimed in happily. “It’s the truth after all.”

“And that you still need a date because all your siblings–” Five continued.

“—are dating each other, I can’t invite her to something like that,” Vanya replied matter-of-factly and shook her head.

“If she’s cool with us, you have my blessing to marry her on the spot, Vanya,” Five replied dryly. And though she was still hiding her face Five could see the edge of a smile peeking around the corner.

Still it took Vanya a seemingly endless moment before she managed to get up from her chair and take the empty pot from his hand before she paused with lines of concern on her face. “But what if I– if she– Five she’s been nothing but nice to me, and I really like it here, I don’t–”

“Be bold enough to assume she’s trying to flirt if she compliments you.”

A quiet sound of protest left Vanya’s throat.

“Just trust me, V,” Five sighed and waved her towards the bar behind which the blonde waitress was preparing drinks for a table.

Another quiet sound of protest left her mouth but this time Vanya awkwardly marched herself over to the bar to order more coffee for them. Five watched her for a moment before he noticed Ben’s smirk.

“Speaking from experience?” Ben teased playfully and pressed a light kiss to his lips.

Five’s mouth curled into a smile as innocent as he could manage. “No idea what you’re talking about,” he said and made himself comfortable. Despite the fact that everything indicated that his body wasn’t suspended in time anymore, Five hadn’t grown very much which didn’t quite make it feel like time had continued to move forward for him. Although there were plenty of other indicators of course. The changes in his face and figure were too subtle to easily notice for now, but each little nick on his skin that healed or scarred was a reminder that he wasn’t imagining things. Although some days it felt like he might wake up at any moment and find himself in his quarters at the Commission and everything up until now had been nothing more than a figment of his imagination.

Once more Five glanced at Vanya who was still at the bar, smiling sheepishly but happy as she briefly gestured towards them. And though it was hard to say how it was going, Five hazarded a guess that everything was well when he couldn’t find any signs of distress in Vanya’s body language. Only when Ben grabbed his hand did he avert his gaze, which briefly dropped to their hands before it sought the next cup of coffee.

They would be stuck here for the rest of the morning until Vanya would agree to come back with them, but Five didn’t mind. The noise in his head wasn’t so unbearable anymore at the time being and it would probably take another day or two before it put murder back on his agenda.

PRESENT – Almost five years after Dallas

Hours, minutes, seconds, before years, months, days. – It had taken time before he’d been able to take that advice to heart, even though it had saved their lives in their last moments in Dallas.

His father’s assessment hadn’t been wrong, his appetite was disproportionate to his ability, he felt it every time he unfurled the last few seconds of an event – there was just so much less resistance in the fabric of space and time. But the problem, Five had realised in the past few years wasn’t his ambition or even his ability. The matter was plain and simple that Five didn’t consider most events in his life worth rewinding.

Most of the time he only used it when he needed a little extra time for his tasks at the Commission and Five kept a habit of noting the times down in a planner to keep track of how much time he’d been able to rewind each day before tiring out. Most of the time his jumps spanned was minutes, sometimes hours and even more rarely seconds. But his cap was still at about six or eight hours back and forth per day.

In short, Five just didn’t feel the need to rewind his days.

The only times he could think of it ever being useful was when he needed documents or signatures from Commission employees who were out of office at the present but had been around during the previous day or would be in within the next hours.

He’d simply jumped back and forth for about a week or two before an exasperated Carmichael had demanded documentation of those situations and forced a form onto him that allowed keeping track of those instances. –Five had already filled a folder with them and made room on one of the shelves in his father’s office for more than that in the future.

It was hard not to think of the office as his, although it had very much been taken over by Allison’s plants, Vanya’s music sheets and Ben’s books, which were the dominant items in the room by now. But the presence of Reginald Hargreeves remained unyielding, looming over his shoulders when Five least wanted and expected it.

Of course the office wouldn’t be his forever, but for now it was still the best option for his work given that he was bound to the academy for another few years. Although after spending almost sixty years trying to return here he didn’t feel the need to leave the place in a hurry, despite the uncomfortable memories which clung to it.

His train of thought was diverted by Ben’s appearance.  
“Allison called, she says Patrick finally caved and we’re gonna have him and Claire over next time she’s coming.” Ben walked in with his phone still in hand, a little smile on his face. “She wanted to know when a good time was so everyone could come and we can all get some time with our niece.”

With a quiet groan Five sank his head against the office chair and closed his eyes. Dates and years danced before his eyes for a moment and he rubbed them to make them disappear, even though it would hardly erase the responsibilities attached to them. “Tell her to pick a holiday and get everyone together and I’ll make it happen,” Five sighed and glanced over at Ben.

“Been there, done that,” Ben replied as he texted their sister and hopped onto the edge of the desk where he made himself comfortable. “Done for the day?”

“Done for the century,” Five grumbled and had to fend off a concerned bundle of tentacles. “Just get me a drink.”

“I’ll get you something better,” Ben replied and reached out to pull Five out of his chair and into his arms.

Quietly grumbling Five buried his head in Ben’s chest and gave a little sigh. “Ben, I love you, but I have the brain chemistry of a sixteen-year-old with a sixty-two-year-old conscience and no amount of affection is going to substitute for that drink,” he replied dryly but no entirely dissatisfied with Ben’s attempt to cheer him up.

There was a rather long moment of silence, but perhaps it only appeared long to him because he had expected Ben to quip back immediately, until his words dawned on him. Five swallowed quietly and wriggled his head out of Ben’s grasp to look up at him. Five could feel his heart flutter into his throat, although he couldn’t deny that he meant his words. “I know I don’t really say it, but I love you,” he admitted quietly.

Silently cupped his face and studied it, brushing various strands of hair out of the way, before he leaned down and lightly pressed his lips onto Five’s. “I love you too.” It was spoken so softly that it mended something Five hadn’t even been aware had been hurting.

That, Five suddenly thought, was worth repeating.

The fabric of time and space hummed underneath his palms as he grabbed it along with Ben’s hoodie and pulled it backwards just enough to rewind the last few seconds.

"I love you too,” Ben repeated and Five had to press his lips together to keep himself smiling like a cat who got the cream.

Once more.

Ben kissed him. “I love you.”

He sounded a little like a broken record, but Five wasn’t exactly concerned about that, or whether Ben was able to notice what he was doing. Which quite honestly hadn’t even crossed his mind until Ben huffed a quiet “stop” and grabbed his wrists, so Five had to pause and look at him with curiosity and question.

“You can just ask, you know,” Ben laughed and studied him for a moment. “Better now?” He added, meaning whether Five felt better.

Pleased with himself but also the situation Five hummed and halfway closed his eyes. “Not as fun,” he admitted. “But I think I’ll manage.”

“I feel like I’ve talked till I’m blue in the face,” Ben complained with a little laugh and pulled a face.

“You probably only said it sixteen or so times…” Five estimated thoughtfully and unable to keep the smirk from his face.

Ben’s amused laugh turned into a smirk as well now. “Oh, if that’s all then you owe me just as many,” he said and pressed an affectionate kiss to Five’s temple.

With closed eyes Five sank his head against Ben’s chest again. “I love you,” he muttered quietly and with a flutter in his chest because for the longest time it had seemed he’d never get to tell him and even now it seemed like he had to wait. “I love you, I love you, I love you…” Almost silently Five breathed, Ben’s head was still resting against his own, but there were no words for the period between then and now, only quiet unanimous understanding of all the things left unsaid.

**Author's Note:**

> things that didn't make it into this fic:  
> klaus was born in bielefeld, change my mind  
> the bentacles are named kurt


End file.
